Renaissance Man

I just have to write a tribute blog to my awesome husband. We received his grades today and he did great. It makes going into debt with school loans worth it. That plus the fact that he got the spring back in his step.

Here are some of the things I love most about David.

* He buys me flowers every month even though we can't afford it and even if it means he's running to Wal Mart at 11:30 on the 31st of the month.

* After I lost the first 40 pounds, he said that I looked great and he was glad I was getting healthy, but he never noticed that I had gained weight. (How could I not love him?!)

* His awesome dance moves (many picked up from Napoleon Dynamite and Hitch).

* He writes me beautiful poetry that makes me cry.

* He's a true Renaissance Man - poet, singer, composer, sculptur, ceramicker, artist, etc.

* He rubs my feet and brushes my hair (prerequisites to my accepting his proposal of marriage).

* He's almost always happy and doesn't say bad things about anyone.

* He's a total goofball.

* He says things like "fixin'" and "ya'all."

* He stays up late with his psychotic wife even though he'd much rather go to sleep.

* He plays with my nephews because he wants to, not because he has to.

* He loves Baylie and is always quick to help with feeding, changing, bathing, playing with or jamming at the keyboard with her.

I could go on, but I guess that's enough for now. We went sledding this weekend and I was shocked to learn that it was his first time ever (not a lot of sledding going on in Houston). So here's a video of him sledding down some icy stairs. I think David had more fun than the kids.

Baby's Got a Passport

We finally got Baylie's birth certificate, so then we could get her social security card and now finally her passport! Now we just need to go somewhere.

Her passport photo is so darn cute.

The Cookie Crumbles

Here is a peek at David's first movie creation. He also did all the special effects.

Nativities

I love Christmas. One of my favorite parts is the family nativity. From the time I was a little girl, we have acted out the nativity. It was fun when we were little, but by the time I was 30 and still playing the virgin Mary, it was getting a little old. 

Now we have a new generation and the nativity is so much fun again. Plus the costumes have really improved. We just used bathrobes and towels on the head when I was little, but my sisters in law have made costumes that are great. Baylie was the Baby Jesus this year. (Check out the photo above. She is almost as big as Joseph and Mary.) I guess that's okay since one year my little brother Scott played Mary (I think he was three years old at the time.)

David is always the donkey and the kids love riding him. We also had a bunny this year.

Although it looks like we had an Arab, she was actually the angel (not sure why the angel is riding the donkey). And the little boy in the black robe informed us "I'm the we three kings."

There's nothing better than being around family for the holidays. We missed my sister Tiffani and her kids, but they'll be doing a neighborhood nativity and then joining us later. 

I have to throw in this bonus picture of Baylie at our journey to Bethlehem church party. She's so dang cute!

Brittany Andersen Photography Give Away

One of the sisters I visit teach is an amazing photographer. She is having a contest for a free giveaway of a photo session, but you have to enter by the end of the day today - Friday, December 19.

Go here to learn more http://brittanyandersenphotography.blogspot.com/2008/12/big-news.html.

What to Say and Do

In response to Karen's request, I thought I'd list some of the things that it's good to say or do. Again, I don't pretend to speak for all infertile women, but I think some of these are fairly universal. I'm writing from the first person again just for the sake of delivery.

In my case, I never resented another person's pregnancy provided they were prepared and happy about becoming a mother. I did have a hard time with teenage pregnancies, babies thrown in dumpsters and stories of child abuse.

10. Rather than asking "So, when are you going to have a kid?" or "Why haven't you started a family yet? You shouldn't put it off." ask more general questions like "How are you?" "How is everything going?" If I know you well enough, I'll tell you how I feel about my infertility. I'll bring it up.

9. Go ahead and give me the name and phone number of a friend you have who is suffering from infertility. I like to meet other women who know what I'm going through. Just don't tell me that I "have" to see their doctor or try their treatment.

8. Invite me to hold your children. Somedays I will welcome it and other days it will be hard, but usually I will love the opportunity to cuddle a baby. This may be my only opportunity to play a mom-type role. I have a nephew who would call me "the other mommy." That would almost bring me to tears and I love that little boy so much for calling me that. Because I'm "fluffy" I could often get a little child to sleep when his or her mother couldn't. Those moments made me feel successful in motherhood even though I couldn't have a baby of my own.

7. Invite me to babysit or invite me to your Family Home Evenings. Invite me to birthday parties or other family outings. I like feeling part of a family. I like creating bonds with your children. If I'm not up to it, I'll say no, but please don't hesitate to invite me because you think I'll be uncomfortable.

6. If you see things you admire about me, please tell me. I often feel like I have little or no worth since I'm not able to fulfill my role as a mother. If you point out other things I do well or other qualities I have, it helps me see my self worth. Don't leave out mother-like qualities you may notice in me. I like to hear that I have potential to be a good mother.

5. Don't exclude me from situations that may be uncomfortable. Invite me to baby showers. I may not go, and please understand if I don't, but I still like to be invited. Sometimes I will feel up to it, but other times it may be too hard for me to go. Once in a while I may even want to go to a play group just for the socialization.

4. In Church situations, even though I'm not a mother, I still like to be invited to talk or give lessons on families. If you are teaching a lesson, you don't need to avoid the subject of families because I am present. Just keep in mind that not everyone in the room may be part of a traditional family. If you seek the spirit, you will be guided in how to include people like me or from other non-traditional situations without singling us out and making us feel uncomfortable.

3. Think of me on days that might be hard. One Mother's Day, I was surprised to receive a card from a friend who thanked me for the way I was a mother to her children. That meant so much to me. One because of her compliment, but especially because she had thought of me and realized that it might be a hard day for me.

2. If I open up to you, please just listen. Like is the case so often with women, I don't want you to solve my problem, I just need someone to talk to. I'm talking to you because I trust and respect you.

1. First and foremost, just be my friend. Love me for who I am, even with all my flaws and shortcomings.

We all say hurtful things at one time or another about a wide variety of topics. But if we have a strong foundation of friendship, these things won't be a big deal and don't have to affect our relationship.

What NOT to Say

I have recently met some women who are struggling with infertility. I hurt for them. It reminds me of some of the feelings and difficulties I've had in the past. I have to confess that I haven’t felt “infertile” ever since we adopted Baylie, but I still remember some of the thoughtless things people said to me when I was struggling with my infertility. So, I thought I would list my top 10 things you should never say to an infertile woman. I do not pretend to speak for all infertile women, but these are all things that were actually said to me, believe it or not, even #1.

10. Don’t share the success stories of other people you know. Hearing that other people are successful while I still feel like a failure just increases feelings of lonliness, unworthiness and frustration. Even if the other person was infertile too, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by advice. I love sharing stories and feelings with close friends who are going through what I am, but I don’t like hearing from people I barely know or don’t know at all. For a funny point of view on this, you can read my poem from an earlier post.

9. “You just need to relax” or “just go on a vacation or get away together.” First of all, it’s pretty much impossible to “relax” about infertility and secondly, it makes me feel like it is something I should be able to control or fix. Just because someone you know got pregnant while on a cruise, doesn’t mean that if I do the same, my eggs will magically become viable.

8. “You could always adopt. There are lots of babies in China.” Adoption is not a consolation prize for not being able to have a biological child. Adoption is a serious undertaking that brings it’s own list of concerns, considerations, emotions and prayer. No one should adopt just because they can’t have a biological child and feel pressured to raise a family. It is a very personal decision that shouldn’t be made overnight. It’s a complex issue in regards to sex, race, culture, economics and the emotional ability to love an adopted child the same you would a biological child. Couples need to be honest with themselves when making this decision and outside pressure only makes this harder. I was scared to death to adopt and am so grateful, and frankly relieved, that God sent us Baylie because I have found it so easy to love her.

7. “I know how you must feel.” No one knows how I feel. Not even another infertile person knows exactly how I feel, although they certainly have a better idea than someone who has been able to have children. Even my husband can’t understand what it is like for me to be infertile. My pain is very personal.

6. “The Lord only blessed us with seven children. We wanted more, but I guess the Lord knows what’s best.” Sorry, but you only being blessed with seven children, or one, is not the same as my not being able to have a single biological child. Please don’t pretend you understand. (I had to laugh at this one because I was so shocked that the woman truly thought she could understand how I felt.)

5. “You’re so lucky…” whatever follows this statement is not appreciated and just undermines the pain of being infertile (i.e. because you don’t have to change diapers, you don’t have a crying baby, you don’t have to go through pregnancy or the pain of labor). Although there have been Sundays where I would hear screaming children and be grateful that I didn’t have to deal with them, most days I would have gladly traded places with the frazzled mother.

4. “Don’t worry. It will happen in the Lord’s time.” I can’t help but worry. I’m not getting any younger. I’m dealing with very personal issues regarding the “Lord’s time” and sometimes they stretch my testimony to the limit. Believe me, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the Lord’s time. And for many of us, the Lord’s answer will be that we won’t have biological children. Being patient isn’t going to change that. I’m dealing with this the best way I know how.

3. Don’t complain about how sick and tired you are because you’re pregnant. I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re lucky. Hearing you complain about being pregnant tears me apart.

2. “It’s just a matter of faith. You need to have more faith.” (This one was said in Spanish, but I’ve translated it here.) I recognize that it’s a journey of faith, but it’s my journey and I’m doing the best I can to walk it. Please don’t suggest that I lack faith or that if I had faith I could get pregnant. Trust me, I feel enough guilt wondering if I lack faith or if I have done something wrong to deserve this. Sometimes it’s just biological.

1. “You should douche with 7-Up.” No further comment needed on this one.

Actually my favorite advice came from my cousin’s little boy when he was only about three years old. He told his uncle that he just needed to do “more of that sexy thing.” From the mouth of babes…

I Am the Champion

Every year my family has a football poll. My dad picks several college and pro games each week and then we all pick our games. At the end of the season, the person with the most wins gets a BYU football helmet and we put our name on it. I'm proud to say I have won it two of the past three years. Between my sister and I, we have won it four of the past five years. Go girls!!

It's funny because growing up my friends would say that since I'm such a football fan, I'd probably marry a guy who didn't even care about football. That's pretty much what's happened. David will watch a game with me, but he'd rather do just about anything else. I think Baylie has already been to more games than her dad. David doesn't participate in the picks.

Now I need to finish my bowl game picks. Whoever wins that one gets a famous football cane carved by my dad. (Let me take advantage of this opportunity to say the BCS system is lousy. Teams with four and five losses get into big games while teams like Texas Tech and Alabama totally get shafted.)

First Time Meeting Santa

There is something about this picture that just draws me. I don't know if it's the colors or the expressions on the faces, but I LOVE this picture. I wish I hadn't already sent out Christmas cards because I would have used this one.

You Be the Judge

The past couple of years, David and I have decorated a gingerbread house. We each do one side of the roof. Personally, I think my side is much better, but David prefers his. Regardless of which side is which, David eats most of the candy off it long before Christmas and it ends up looking pretty pitiful.


My side
















David's side

More Baylie Videos

Baylie is a chuckler, but she doesn't laugh really hard very often. We had fun hearing her belly laugh.

She doesn't say any real words yet, but we still like to hear her talk.

Christmas Song

A few years ago, I wrote a Christmas poem that I really liked. David put it to music and added a chorus. Now I like it even more. The lyrics are below. You can go to here to listen to David sing the song.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the inn,

Not a creature was stirring

Though filled to the brim.

While out in the stable 

A candle burned bright

As a husband kept vigil

All through the night.

On that night,

That still, still night

The Savior came

Into the world.

The cattle were lowing

A hush in the air

For the animals knew

Christ soon would be there.

While shepherds kept watch

In their own humble way.

Wise men saw the star

That signaled the day.

On that night,

That still, still night

The Savior came

Into the world.

The Christ child was born 

On a bed of new hay

To a world unaware

Of where the king lay.

Later the shepherds

And wisemen would come,

But for now it was Mary

Just holding her son.

On that night,

That still, still night,

The Savior came

Into the world.

On that night, 

that still, still night

Our Christmases began.

Tradition

I'm all about tradition and history and keepsakes, etc. Thankfully, so is my mom. She saved my first Christmas dress, so now I'm using it as Baylie's first Christmas dress. I just think that is so cool! Here we are in the dress.

Of Mothers and Kristin

We have Baylie in our bed almost every morning. She is nestled between us, which gives her opportunity to be our new alarm clock. In the middle of the night she will make fussing noises. Kristin hears them first. She gets up and brings her in, sets her beside me and tosses a new diaper in one of two places: on Baylie's belly or on my face. I'll sit up and change her diaper while she fills a new bottle with Baylie's formula. Baylie drinks that for a while before she dozes off until about 6:15 a.m. when our new alarm clock sounds off happily.

This morning I heard Baylie first. So I brought her to the bed. It must have been earlier than usual because when I gave her the pacifier she was out in an instant. I had already gotten the diaper and set it between Kristin and Baylie. I wish I had remembered to toss it on Kristin's face. All the better, Kristin apparently didn't hear all that happen. When the alarm clock chimed at 6:15 she was surprised that Baylie was in our bed already. I know Kristin and I know that my surprise gave her an inner smile. Those are my favorite kind to cause.

I am married to the sweetest woman. She loves me no matter what. She cares for Baylie full-time, and yet I can say I have her whole heart. Life lived with such a companion could not get any better.

Jammin' with Daddy

David loves it when Baylie joins him at the keyboard.

Happy Thanksgiving

Things for which I am thankful...

a kind husband, a wonderful daughter, good parents, siblings and in-laws that are also friends, good books, football (especially since I won the picks this year), neices and nephews that light up my life, good health, Mexican food, Weight Watchers, bubble baths (haven't had one in way too long), cold water, hot showers, liberty, flight benefits, good friends that don't require constant attention to be the best of friends, gurgles and coos, strong hugs, soft kisses, witty people, a testimony, Christmas, foot massages, Baylie's cheesy grin that wrinkles her nose, David's singing, red Twizzlers, Fresca, hair dye, air-popped popcorn, clean movies, a good life.

Farewell Gail

On Monday, we flew down to Houston and back for the funeral of a special woman named Gail. We had the opportunity to have Gail live with us for a year while she was undergoing cancer treatment in Houston. Living with Gail was a lot of fun. She is a vivacious person who loved life. One of my greatest regrets will always be the way that Gail left our home as I didn't handle things as graciously as I should have.

Gail had a green funeral. I had never heard of this before, but it was truly the most beautiful funeral I have ever witnessed. Gail's body was not preserved and she was not buried in a coffin. Her body was wrapped in muslin by some of her dearest friends and then draped in a beautiful white cloth. I was reminded of Christ being wrapped in muslin by the women who prepared his body. Then as I saw Gail's body lying there draped in the cloth, I couldn't help but think that she was a bit like Maid Marian or Ophelia or some other romatic figure. Gail had all female pall bearers which was also so appropriate for her and her resting place looked like a forest. It was peaceful, beautiful and natural.

Her funeral was very personal with tributes from each of her three children and two musical numbers sung a capella. David sang one of them and he did a beautiful job. Per Gail's request, there was a jump house out behind the church for the children to play. She made all of her friends promise to jump - and they did. I think the entire day was a great tribute to her and I think she would have really enjoyed it.

Goodbye, Gail. We'll miss you.

Congrats Scott & Beth

My baby brother is finally a daddy! Their little girl was just born tonight. I'm not posting a name, because they keep changing their minds about it. They tried to get pregnant for four years, so this little girl is an enormous blessing in our family. She already looks like a little princess. I'm glad she's close to Baylie's age and hope they'll be great friends.

Scott is the youngest child in our family, so it's kind of ironic that the youngest and oldest are having children at the same time. I love my little brother. I've always thought he was more like me than any of my other siblings. And Beth is the perfect girl for him. I'm so excited for them both.

I wrote a poem about them when they got married. I'll try and dig it out and post it.

What a Difference a Year Makes

I made these Uggs for Tiffani's twins and now Baylie gets to wear them. They're so cute on her with her little mini skirt.

This seems to be my theme of the year as every day I reflect on one way or another my life is so much different than it was a year ago.

Exactly one year ago today I was told that I would never have a biological child. I was very proud of myself because I didn't cry in front of the doctor. I thanked him for his honesty and made my way out as fast as I could. As I made my co-payment, I was struck by the irony of paying someone for giving me the worst news of my life. I finally made it to my car where I was free to cry by myself.

I knew I still had to drive home, so I got control of myself and tried not to think too much. When my mind wandered too far, I would start to cry again and it would be hard to see the road. I tried to keep my mind on neutral thoughts. It was an incredibly long drive from Sandy to Provo, Utah. Normally it's less than 30 minutes, but it seemed an eternity to me that day.

When I walked in the door, my mom looked at me with expectation - we had all thought that I was on my way to in vitro fertilization. One look at my face told her that the news was not good. I could tell she wanted to hug me, but I held out the palm of my hand and asked her not to talk to me yet. I went downstairs (David and I were living with my parents at the time) and collapsed on the floor by the side of the bed. I pulled up my knees under my chin and finally let myself sob. I'm not usually a big cryer, but I cried hard and I cried long.

My sister was visiting and I could hear her twins playing upstairs. It was like salt in my wound. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't let me be a mother. I knew he could do it if he wanted to, but for some reason, he didn't. Was I not worthy? Was I not good enough? What was wrong with me? We hadn't even had any leads on adoption. I was angry that not only could I not have a biological child, but I wasn't even being allowed to adopt a child. Why? Why? Why?

Even in the middle of my hurt and anger, I could feel logic creeping in. I didn't really want to be logical, I wanted to be emotional. But on one hand, it was a relief to know that it was okay to quit trying to have a biological child. No more shots, no more pills, no more exams and no more money toward infertility. I was reminded that I had to wait a long time to get married and I ended up with a great husband. I knew I needed to keep having faith and patience and to trust in God, but at the moment - I just hurt.

Now, I sit here tonight and look at my beautiful daughter smiling upside down at me. She has the cutest grin in the world. God has blessed me with one of the most beautiful of all his children. Not only is she physically beautiful, but her soul touches my soul and I feel so lucky to be her mother. It is such a miracle to me that she ended up on this couch next to me.

It's funny how small our trials look in the rear view mirror when at the time we face them they seem like insurmountable roadblocks. Sitting by my bed last year, I wondered if I'd ever be truly happy again. I wondered if my life really had a purpose. I wondered what my future would be like. Now I know.

Baylie Clips

Heavy Breather

Bouncing Baby (sorry, I don't know how to turn it the right way)

What Happens in Vegas

My mom and I went to Las Vegas last week to visit my sister. My sister was supposed to be a boy. She was born on April Fools Day and turned out to be a girl. We called her Bruce for a while because we didn't have any girl names ready. I've always been so grateful that she was a girl. I love that our daughters are close to the same age (her twins turned one on September 4). I hope they'll be great friends throughout their lives.

It was a good visit and I especially have to thank my sister for two things:

1. Letting me know that it's okay if I don't get dressed until just before David comes home and that it's not the end of the world if I go three days without a shower. I can't even tell you the load of guilt that has lifted off of me.

2. Cutting my hair SHORT. I finally feel like me again. David liked my hair long, so for the first six years of our marriage, I just trimmed it. It was waist length and it was fun to have long hair, but it just didn't feel like me. I got it cut to my shoulder blades not long after we got Baylie, but this time I had her cut it short - to my chin. And to my surprise (and his), David really likes it. He says it makes me look younger!

I'm grateful to my sister for her example. I'm so lucky to have her and my sisters-in-law, Dianne and Shanelle, who are already expert moms. It's so nice to be able to call them for advice when I have questions or concerns. I'm glad that soon Bethany will be a mom too. Maybe she'll even ask me for advice once in a while - now that's a scary thought!

New President

I admit it. I'm a conservative and I wanted John McCain for President. I have serious concerns about Barack Obama. 

But I have to say that as the mother of a beautiful little black girl, I am grateful to be living in a time and place where her color never has to hold her back. And having a black man elected as president may open doors for her that would have otherwise remained closed. At the very least, it should serve as an example of what she can achieve. I hope it will be a positive thing and something that will give her a source of pride as she grows up.  

I was reflecting today on how just a few years ago black children had to duck their heads to shield themselves as they walked into a desegregated school while people threw things at them. And then today to see black and white people in lines circling around schools to cast their votes without regard to race or sex. I'm so glad Baylie is going to grow up in a time where there is less prejudice and violence.

I hope our country can be more united. I hope we can overcome the challenges that we face. I didn't vote for Barack Obama, but I hope he will be successful as our president.

Baylie Bug

Halloween 2008
Originally uploaded by KBATCH

Baylie was a ladybug for Halloween. I think she was just adorable.

I have to admit that this was the first time in several years that I actually looked forward to Halloween. Normally it is not my favorite holiday. David always likes to dress up and since we've been married, I've had to dress up too. This year he went as a ladybug catcher and I was a flower. We won most creative costume at our church party. I think we won because of Baylie.

David was really excited that this year he had an excuse to go trick or treating. He ate all Baylie's candy Halloween night!

Tagged

I got tagged. You have to go to your 4th folder and pick your 4th picture (in my case, I did it in Flickr since I don't keep old pics on my computer).

When we put our home in Houston up for sale, we decided to redo the floor in some areas. We pulled up the nasty carpet only to find an even nastier tile beneath. This picture is of the tile. I'm also including some before/after shots so you can appreciate the scope of the project. I wish we had done this while we were actually living in the house!

I tag Kelli and Sara.

Mother Goose by Mike Peters - October 25

How to Carve a Pumpkin

First, carefully lay out magazines to be ready for spills. (You may need to taste test the magazines first.)

After removing the top, taste the stem for freshness.

Remember to stay hydrated.

Show off the finished product.

High School Days

Here's a fun (or maybe not so fun) quiz to remember your high school days.

1. Did you date someone from your high school? No. I didn't date in high school.
2. I didn't have a car. Sometimes I even had to walk to school (how humiliating!).
3. What is your most embarrassing moment in high school? When Rob Morse told me he had a groin pull and I offered to rub it for him (I didn't know what a groin was).
4. Were you a party animal? No.
5. Were you considered a flirt? I don't think so.
6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? I played in concert band one year, but it was an all-or-nothing program, so I dropped it.
7. Were you a nerd? I don't think so.
8. Were you on any varsity teams? Yes, volleyball. I also lettered in baseball and football (how many girls can say that??)
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No. I was good in high school. It was junior high where I had my issues :).
10. Can you still sing the fight song? I never learned the fight song.
11. Who were your favorite teachers? Mrs. Perkins (junior high) and Mrs. White
12. Where did you sit for lunch? I think we usually went outside.
14. Who did you go to homecoming and with who? I never went to homecoming.
15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? No. I would want to maintain the great friendships I had, but my high school years were hard for a lot of reasons.
16. What do you remember most about graduation? I remember just before graduation we had an awards ceremony and I won a lot of different awards. It was great for a lot of reasons.
17. Where did you go senior skip day? Lagoon.
18. Have you gained weight since then? Heck, yes.
19. Who was your prom date? I didn't go to prom.
20. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? I didn't go. I went to the 5th and the 20th. I liked the 20th better, even though I can't believe I'm so old.
21. Looking back, what advise would you give yourself? Just like yourself for who you are and don't worry what everyone else thinks.

I now tag everyone!! It's fun to read people's memories from high school. Do it!!!

Power Lunch

The other day as I was being covered in baby cereal, fruit and spit, I couldn't help but make another comparison between my old life and my current life. 

When I worked in a corporate office, I was often taken out to some of the best restaurants in Houston. Actually, I ate in nice restaurants around the world (personal favorite was sweet potato gnocchi in Tel Aviv - thanks, Elias). 

And while I miss the variety of cuisine, good company and conversation, I'd rather be sitting in my kitchen covered in peaches and oatmeal than eating anywhere else in the world.

Totally Tubular

So Monday was the surgery that I blogged about a while ago. I went in knowing I would have the uterine ablation, but then found out I would also have a tubal ligation - I got my tubes tied! That made the surgery a little more extensive than it would have been and I ended up with a couple of unplanned incisions. I'm glad I arranged to have the whole week off work because there's no way I could have gone back yesterday like originally planned.

I'm feeling pretty good, but I'm tired and it's hard to sit, stand and sometimes pick up Baylie. David's been a great help and my mom has also taken good care of me, even though she's got an arm injury of her own.

The most surprising thing was that my anesthesiologist was one of my best childhood friends. We met up again and were great friends in college. I hadn't seen him for about 16 years. It eased some of my fears knowing he would be there. I was just glad he was at the head end of me and not the other end.

I only work these days for health insurance, but I'm sure glad we have it. I can't imagine trying to go through life without it. I just wish it didn't take my entire paycheck.

Families are Forever

Most of you already know that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love so many things about my religion. But probably my favorite thing about it is our belief in eternal families. We believe that if a family is sealed by the power of the Priesthood of God in a temple, then that family unit will continue even after death. In the temples, we don't just marry until death do us part, but for time and all eternity.

When a couple is married in the temple, their biological children are automatically sealed to them. In the case of adoption, once the adoption is legally finalized, then the baby can be sealed to the parents so that they can be a family even after death.

This Saturday, David and I returned to the Manti temple where we were married over six years ago. We had Baylie sealed to us in a beautiful, but very simple ceremony. She is now our daughter forever. It was a very spiritual experience and I was so grateful to have my parents, my siblings and their spouses there. I love my family and I love the principle of eternal families. I don't think I would want to be in heaven if they weren't there and we weren't still a family.

There is a sense of relief that comes from being an eternal family. There's a security in knowing that no matter what happens, as long as we live as God would have us live, we will be together forever.

Car Seat Advice

Being a first-time mom, I didn't realize I had to get Baylie a second car seat before she could be forward facing. She has two inches left before I have to get a new car seat. So, I need some mommy advice.

Can I get another Graco seat that will fit in the same base? Can I get another Graco seat that will snap into her stroller? Or is it basically like starting completely over? Any recommendations on what kind of seat to buy and where? I think I can get a seat that I can just turn forward when she's a year old.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Pet Peeves

Things that are bugging me:

• The liberal media that has lost all sight of "objective and impartial" journalism
• Entertainment personalities who assume that anyone who doesn't think like they do is either naive or lacks intelligence
• The fact that being a conservative has become politically incorrect 
• The fact that congress passes a bailout bill with so much baggage on it, it's insulting (are they going to bail us out of our school loans??)
• Greed and self interest ruling congress rather than the voice of the people
• Apathy of the masses
• Having school teachers salaries so low that their families qualify for government aid
• Albertsons advertising for 10 bags of chocolate chips at 70 cents a bag, but never actually having the chocolate chips on the shelf (five attempts to purchase and counting)
• Citibank not lowering my interest rate when I ask them to match a new card offer, but then when I call to cancel my card all of a sudden coming up with magical offers - no thanks
• People who run red lights, especially when they're driving minivans with children in them
• Mail that doesn't get forwarded despite the fact that a forwarding order has been confirmed
• The fact that I can't eat cookies and still lose weight (David can)
• Mamaw having breast cancer
• Having to pay for Hurricane Ike damage to our house in Houston where we don't even live anymore

Things that make me happy:

• Knowing that Baylie is ours and no one can take her from us
• BYU being undefeated and playing very well
• David having the bounce back in his step now that he doesn't feel so overloaded
• Being in our own apartment, cooking meals for my family, having our own schedule
• School loans added to our bank account
• Seeing gas prices come down
• Knitting
• Going to a movie not expecting much and finding that I really liked the movie (i.e. Indiana Jones)
• Brad Paisley Fifth Gear CD - I love that he actually puts tons of great songs on one single CD
• Having David buy me flowers every month
• My nieces and nephews 
• Being surrounded by mountains
• Stride gum (it never loses its flavor)
• Tomatoes from my parent's garden
• Living in a free country that even with all its problems is still the greatest country in the world

My Favorite Time of Day

I have always been more of an evening person than a morning person (much to David's dismay). But morning is now my favorite time of day.

Baylie always wakes up in a good mood. Sometimes I can hear her cooing (or grunting which is a big mode of communication for her) from the other room. Sometimes it's before I want to get up, so I get her and tuck her in between me and David (somehow David never hears her...). She loves to sleep in our bed. She immediately spreads out her arms and falls fast asleep (she definitely hogs the space.)

After we do wake up, I give her a bottle while I read my scriptures - this is a new process since I'm tired of feeling guilty for never reading my scriptures. Then we read one of her books. Baylie LOVES books.  Then we usually sing a few songs. She always sings along which is so fun to hear. Unfortunately, so far she seems to sing more like me than David. Hopefully that improves with time.

After that is cereal time, which is always an adventure. Her latest eating habit is to dive bomb towards the spoon. I have to be careful so she doesn't choke, and I try to get the food down her instead of have it fall all over her stomach and legs. She also likes to stuff as much of her bib as possible in her mouth. 

We usually go straight from the cereal to the tub. Baylie is really starting to like bath time. She plays with her toys and splashes.  She's also likes looking in the mirror and trying to figure out where that little girl is.

I am so grateful that I get to spend so much time with her every day and don't have to work until evening. I feel guilty at night because someone else has to put her to bed and she always cries for everyone but me. (She's pretty much a momma's girl.) But every morning as we lay in bed and read books and sing, I'm so grateful for her and for our time together. My life has changed so much in the last year. It's amazing when I stop and think about it.

It's Official!

Baylie Anne Batchelor is officially our daughter!

We arrived at the courthouse at about 8:10 this morning for our court time of 8:30. Baylie looked adorable in her brand new pink outfit. My mom and dad were already there and I was very relieved to see them. It gave me great comfort for some reason.

We went inside and waited. Next our social worker Morgan (we love her) arrived. We started reviewing paperwork and it was nice to take my mind off of waiting. Next the attorney Bill arrived. And then my brother Scott and his wife Bethany came. I was so grateful for the loving familiy support.

Morgan and Bill were discussing whether or not some of our paperwork had to be original instead of copies and I was getting a little nervous that maybe we wouldn't be able to finish everything, but I just hoped for the best.

We were invited to enter the courtroom. I've never been to anything but traffic court before. We were invited to sit in front of the microphones at the Plaintiff's table. It felt kind of strange to be considered a "plaintiff," but the chairs were very comfy.

I'm not sure at what point I started to get emotional, but before long I was fighting back the tears. The judge may have taken pity on me because he didn't ask for any originals and was satisfied with copies. When the attorney asked David if we were willing to accept responsibility for Baylie and be her parents and if we were ready to love her and be there for her financially and emotionally, I couldn't hold back the tears any more. I just cried my eyes out. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to do that in court, but I couldn't help it. Then the attorney asked me if I felt the same and I could barely answer.

The judge was so sweet and told me it was okay to cry. He said three of his grandchildren were adopted as well. He said that from this time forward, Baylie would only be known as Baylie Anne Batchelor and we would be her only parents. The court documents are sealed unless someone gets a court order to open them. He let us take pictures and it was all official.

Now Morgan will send away for her birth certificates and after that we'll get her a passport and go on a trip somewhere! (Whoops, for a moment there I forgot David lost his job, so maybe we'll just go to Idaho or something.)

I'm so grateful to Baylie's mom. My Father in Heaven has blessed me so greatly. She is such a sweet little girl and I love her so much.

Stressful Day

Tomorrow morning is our court date. I've been stressed out for several days, imagining myself walking into the courtroom only to see a well-dressed black man sitting calmly at the front of the room. I instantly know he's Baylie's birth father who has come to claim his rights. I'll be so relieved if I walk in tomorrow and he's not there.

I thought that would be the extent of my stress, but I got a call from David this morning telling me he no longer has a job. The Music School called him to say the school is closing effective today, so he is out of work. I was surprisingly calm until I found out that they also don't plan on paying him for the past two weeks that he's worked. I knew that kind of thing happened in Argentina (because it happened when I lived there), but I didn't realize it happened here in good old Happy Valley.  This couldn't have come as a big surprise to them and I think the whole thing smacks of a serious lack of ethics.

So between the two of us, we've spent the day checking out unemployment benefits, school loans, Utah Labor Commission, job postings, etc., etc. At least now I know why I was prompted not to leave my job when I had the chance earlier this year.

I've checked with the attorney and they've said this won't have any negative effect in court tomorrow. I hope not.

Today has not been one of my favorite days...

Hurricane Ike

I loved living in Houston. It's a great city. I loved the diversity, the friendly southerners, the opera, ballet, symphony, Astros, Texans and more. I miss my friends and I miss my favorite restaurants.

BUT I DON'T MISS HURRICANE SEASON! I don't miss empty shelves at the grocery store and the panic in your heart when the wind and rains start. During Rita, David and I tried to evacuate and spent 17 hours driving to Austin - a drive that usually takes three hours.

Unfortunately, we still own our home in Houston. Fortunately, the damage is not too bad. We have trees down. There are limbs on our roof and we don't know if there are any leaks. Our fence will have to be completely replaced. There has been no power in our neighborhood since Saturday. I can't even imagine being in the Houston humidity with no air conditioning.

Here are some pictures.

Limbs on our roof:

Tree down in the back yard (fortunately it missed the house):

Neighbor's backyard (no more fence):

What's black, white and red all over?

Me and Baylie after she spits her prunes all over both of us! (Actually the prunes are more dark brown than red, but that would ruin the joke.)

In the picture, she's eating green beans, but you get the idea. She loves spitting while eating her cereal now. It's so much more fun than just swallowing!

One more week until court (Tuesday, Sept. 23).

To Mom and Dad

I hope I haven't already posted this one.

Love

Love is 

   taking your little girl

   to the circus 

   when her brother is born

   so she'll know she's still important.

Love is

   wanting to walk 

   to school with your daughter

   even though she thinks

   she's old enough to walk alone.

Love is

   telling your daughter

   about sex

   and answering the hard questions

   even when you feel uncomfortable.

Love is

   letting your daughter

   stand on the sidelines

   sit in the dugout

   and drive your car.

Love is

   getting up early

   in the freezing dawn

   to meet your daughter

   for a morning swim.

Love is

   driving down Baja

   and leaving your daughter

   to live and work

   in a foreign land.

Love is

   trusting your daughter

   to choose the right man

   even when her choice

   seems unusual.

Love is

   crying with your daughter 

   when she tries 

   to start her own family

   and fails.

Love is

   opening a financial path

   to adoption for your daughter

   so she too

   can love her daughter.

Thanks Mom and Dad. I love you back.

Sometimes It's Hard to Be a Woman

Advance warning - this blog post is not for men or women who don't like talking about "feminine stuff." 

Since the day before I started my first period (I warned you about the topic...) when I was about 13 years old, I have suffered from horrible cramps, heavy bleeding and other discomforts. My entire life, this monthly visit has been accompanied by discomfort, nausea, public humiliation, etc., etc. I'll spare you details, but you could ask my mother about one very memorable trip to Milan where I spent most of one day standing in the shower. I remember reading Anne Frank where she talks about how happy she is to have her period. Strange girl (no disrespect intended).

I remember drinking some raspberry concoction (disgusting), doing exercises and a variety of other things to try and diminish my pain and discomfort. I must send a thank you out to the makers of Aleve as that is the only thing that has ever helped. I originally took it under a different name in prescription form and was so grateful when it became available over the counter.

In my attempts to get pregnant, I have taken different medications, given myself shots and been subjected to a variety of uncomfortable and painful tests and treatments. It wasn't until I was 39 that a doctor finally told me that I should just quit trying; I had less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant. It was actually a relief to just know.

And now, after having my latest period last for approximately 71 days, I'm going to undergo a uterine ablation. This is a procedure that will burn away the endometrial lining of my uterus. It sounds kind of extreme, but it's either that or a historectomy. It will be nice to not have my period for awhile.

You may wonder why I am blogging about this. Well, it's because I feel one of the biggest injustices of my life is that I've had to go through this if I wasn't going to have biological children. I am thrilled to be Baylie's mom and have no regrets about not having biological children, but I think I could have been spared all the garbage under the circumstances. 

Yummy Cereal

Okay, this is probably a blog only a mother would love since it's long and probably boring to everyone but me and David. Also, I apologize in advance for my obnoxious laugh. We're quite proud of Baylie's eating ability though.

The Joy of Adoption

Last night my mom and I went to a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was my first one, so I didn't really know what to expect. There were several families there and children of all sizes and colors.

I didn't know anyone but the ladies from the agency and I'm not usually outgoing in a group, so mostly I just sat with my mom and observed others.

As I looked around, I couldn't help but marvel at the happiness that surrounded me. I figured that most of these parents had been through what we had been through. The pain and heartache of infertility followed by the hope, frustration and financial stress of adoption. It's a long road and only someone who has walked it knows what it's really like. I got emotional thinking of how we all now share a joy only found through finally receiving a long-awaited child. My mom pointed out how the fathers in particular carried their new infants with such pride and posessiveness. It was a beautiful site to see. I particularly liked seeing other families like ours - white parents with beautiful black children (although I have to say that Baylie was the cutest baby there - I'm sure I'm totally objective about that.).

What a great job the ladies of Heart and Soul Adoptions have - to bring so much joy to so many people. And it's not an easy job. I don't know what everyone else is like to work with, but I know I wasn't easy. By the time I got to them, we had been trying to adopt for three years. I was emotionally exausted. I'm sure there were times I sounded sharp and impatient. I was stressed over how much it was costing to adopt and I couldn't always understand why everything happened how and when it did. But they were always kind, patient and positive. And they gave us the perfect baby. How can you ever repay someone for giving you the best blessing?

I don't know why our road to parenthood was as long or as contorted as it was, but I do know that I was meant to be Baylie's mom and she was meant to be my daughter. If anything had happened differently, we might have missed each other. Any pain I have been through is worth the joy I feel as I tuck her in at night and greet her smiling face every morning.

Freaking Out

Okay, I'm freaking out. Today we met with our attorney to get prepared for court. We learned that our birth father notification wasn't done in the right state, so we still have to get that out of the way before we can finalize. I had thought it was taken care of four months ago, so now I'm stressing out. Partly because I'm hoping it can get done before we go to court, but mostly because secretly I still have a terrifying fear that a birth father will crop up from somewhere and take Baylie from us. The attorney assured us that it is not very likely and in my mind I know that's true, but in my heart, I still worry about it. If we were to lose Baylie at this point, I don't think I could bear it.

Check out those blue eyes!

No Such Thing as Too Many Hugs

I take a lot of good-natured ribbing about the fact that I hold Baylie so much. People say that I'm spoiling her and that she's not happy unless she's being held. It's not true, and even if it is, I don't care. I love to hold her and I'll hold her as much as I possibly can.

Today I read a very emotional blog at http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/. My sister had told me about this blog that is being written by a mother who recently lost her 14-month old daughter to drowning. I had put off reading it because I knew it would be emotional. It was, and I've spent the past hour crying. But it's not so much a sad blog as it is an emotional blog of a mother working through her feelings and professing her faith in God. It's actually a very faith-promoting blog. After reading it, I am again convinced that I should hold Baylie as much as possible. I recommend this blog to anyone dealing with grief.

Reading her blog also makes me want to share the experience of my miscarriage, but I'll do that another day. For now, I'm going to go snuggle with my daughter and be grateful I have her.

Airport Encounter

One of the greatest blessings during my infertility to adoption journey has been meeting other women who are traveling along this same path. Talking to them has brought me great comfort at times when even my husband couldn't understand what I was feeling.

Today at the airport we ran into a couple whom we have known for a few years now. After eight years of waiting, they adopted a little girl a few years ago. (It's funny that we both lived in Houston and yet we see each other most often in the Salt Lake Airport.) I remember when they first got their little girl how I noticed that Sylvia's face completely changed. It became softer and there was a peace about her that wasn't there before.

Today when we saw them, they had added a new baby boy to their family. I didn't even recognize Sylvia at first. She was so beautiful. Not that she wasn't always an attractive woman - she was, but now she just glows with an inner beauty and peace that radiates from her. I can't help but wonder if I've changed at all since becoming Baylie's mom. One thing I do know is that the little hard knot of pain that I used to have in the pit of my chest is no longer there. I can't really even remember what it felt like. Adoption is truly a miracle of love and healing. I'm so grateful to see other families that have also been blessed by this great gift.

P.S. We were dropping David off to go to California for two weeks. I'll miss him so much. I couldn't help but think of men and women that send their spouses overseas to dangerous circumstances to serve in the military. I am awed by them and their sacrifice.

Sania's Coming!

I'm so excited to learn that a sweet friend from Houston is moving to Salt Lake. Sania is one of the kindest people I have ever met. I hope the good people of Utah will make her and her husband feel welcome. I want to share a poem I wrote about Sania a little over a year ago.

Sania’s Scarf

My friend, Sania, used to wear a scarf.

It was a sign of modesty, humility
and obedience to God.

But after September 11, 2001,
the world changed.
and her scarf came off.

I wonder - would I have known her
had she kept the scarf?
Or would it have served
as a silk-iron shield between us?

Before Sania,
I thought women in scarves
were opressed, subdued.
Now I know the scarf is worn
with honor and by choice.

My friend, Sania,
used to wear a scarf.
I’m glad she took it off.
She removed the veil
from my eyes
and now I see more clearly.

Bayles Family Campout

Almost Legal

I think that usually when you hear about a "court date," it's not a good thing, but for us - it's the best thing ever. We got a phone call yesterday confirming our court date of September 23. That's the day Baylie will be 100% legally ours. We can't wait!! I think I will breathe a big sigh of relief once it's all signed and finalized. I can't help but be afraid that one of her birth parents is going to change their mind, but that's very unlikely.

Baylie gets cuter and cuter everyday. She interacts more and more and there's no doubt she knows we're her mommy and daddy. It's so fun to watch how her face lights up when she sees us. And we can't help but smile when we look at her. I can't go anywhere without people stopping to look at her and remark on how adorable she is. It's amazing that of all the children we could have adopted, we ended up with such a perfect baby. We love her so much and I'm so grateful to be her mom.

Easy to Please

Baylie is at a stage where she is so easy to please. She wakes up smiling and happy. I love it when she smiles so hard it shivers her entire body. It's like the joy can't be contained and it just bursts out of every inch of her. It's usually accompanied by a little gurgle. She also sticks her tongue out when she smiles wide which is adorable.

She talks a lot now and has so much personality. She doesn't like to lay down, but wants to sit up and take in the world around her. It's so fun to watch her discover things.

I can't help but look at her and wonder what it will be like when she's a teenager. I wish that I could always just tickle her and smile at her and get that burst of joy in return. I'll just enjoy it as long as it lasts!

Singing With Daddy

One of my favorite things is when Baylie sings with her daddy. It is so cute. Here they are singing a song to help get Baylie ready for bed. (You can tell from the picture that she's already preparing for stardom.)