I Still Believe

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, twice a year I have the opportunity to listen to talks and counsel from a living prophet of God, 12 apostles, and other leaders. I always find these meetings uplifting and motivational. This year was different. This year, for the first time in my life, I decided to make a list of my questions, concerns, trials, doubts, etc. I made a list of things I wanted to receive counsel about. It was almost a desperate plea. I felt like my faith had been tested like never before and I practically begged my Father in Heaven to answer my prayers.

I am so humbled at how many of my questions were answered in a very direct, personal way through men and women who don't know me, don't know my situation, don't know my heartache, but who follow the Spirit and listen to inspiration from an all powerful God who knows me better than anyone, including myself.

From the very first talk given by Henry B. Eyring through to the final talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland, I was in tears. It has been a very long time since I have felt the spirit so incredibly strong. It has renewed my faith. It has reminded me who I am and how I should be. Other talks that really impacted me were those from Dallin H. Oaks and Dieter F. Uchtdorf .

Here are my questions and some of the talks that answered them directly. Some of the talks could fit into more than one category. The quotes aren't word for word. The bottom line is that I truly felt as if God was speaking to me. It is an experience I will never forget.

1. How do I know if God is really aware of me and my issues?

• President Henry B. Eyring - D&C 68:6 "Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come."

• Elder Donald L. Hallstrom – Our most fundamental doctrine includes the knowledge that we are children of a living God. That is why one of His most sacred names is Father — Heavenly Father. Do we truly believe what we sing when we say, I am a child of God? Do we know it in our mind and in our heart and in our soul? Is our heavenly parentage our first and most profound identity? This is more important than sports affiliations or political parties.

• Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf - Our Savior, the Good Shepherd, knows and loves us. He knows and loves you. He knows when you are lost, and He knows where you are. He knows your grief. Your silent pleadings. Your fears. Your tears. It matters not how you became lost — whether because of your own poor choices or because of circumstances beyond your control. All that matters is that you are His child. And He loves you, His children. He loves His children. Because He loves you, He will find you. He will place you upon His shoulders rejoicing. And when He brings you home, He will say to one and all, 'Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost'” (Luke 15:6). It matters not how completely ruined one's life may seem — destroyed by sin, loneliness or a broken heart. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trust, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God, can be rebuilt. God sees us as we truly are and He sees us worthy of rescue. He will lift you up and place you on His shoulders. He will carry you home.

• Elder Jeffrey R. Holland - The first great commandment is to love God. But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed, it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, to keep seeking forgiveness for our sins and to keep extending that grace to our neighbor. He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant and eternal life is the very object of His merciful plan for His children. No matter how great the trial, God will never desert us. He cannot do it. It is not his character to do so. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better for it.

2. How do I maintain my faith when disappointed by others?

• Elder Kevin R. Duncan -  There is not a soul alive who will not, at one time or another, be the victim to someone else's careless actions, hurtful conduct, or even sinful behavior, however, God has provided an escape for all who fall victim to the misdeeds of others. He has taught us that we can forgive. We don’t need to worry about consequences. God will take care of it. And God will compensate us for every injustice. We can learn to forgive and even come to love someone who has hurt us. We don’t justify wrongdoing and don’t need to allow others to keep hurting us. To forgive is not to condone ... But none of us should be defined by the worst thing we've ever done. The Atonement is not just for those who need to repent, but also for those that need to forgive.

• Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf - In God’s plan of happiness we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting and more perfect relationship. That is the goal. That is good news because no matter how flat your relationship may be at present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow. Those who save their marriages choose happiness. If we look for imperfections in our spouse or irritations in our marriage, we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too. Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers. They celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity. Those who save marriages save future generations.

3. Why does everything seem to be so difficult?

• Elder Dale G. Renlund - The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement. Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are the ultimate Givers. The more we distance ourselves from Them, the more entitled we feel. We begin to think that we deserve grace and are owed blessings. We are more prone to look around, identify inequities, and feel aggrieved — even offended — by the unfairness we perceive. We want Him to fix things and fix them right now. The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts & intents of our heart, the more we appreciate his sacrifice. As individuals recognize the Savior as a gift from a loving Heavenly Father, they will develop a desire to stop causing God further grief, he explained. The sacrament is a reminder of Christ’s innocent suffering. If life were truly fair, you and I would never be resurrected; you and I would never be able to stand clean before God. In this respect, I am grateful that life is not fair. At the same time, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, there will ultimately be no unfairness. Our present circumstances may not change, but through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we could ever hope for. We are promised that, ‘God shall wipe away all tears from [our] eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away’ (Revelation 21:4). As you do, I promise that you will feel nearer to God. Natural tendencies to childish whining, disgruntled entitlement, and derisive skepticism will dissipate. Those sentiments will be replaced by feelings of greater love for Heavenly Father’s gift of His Son. As we draw closer to God, the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ will come into our lives.

• Elder Dallin H. Oaks - From the beginning, agency and opposition were central to Heavenly Father’s plan. Progression comes by being tested to demonstrate one's commitment to keep God's commandments. To be tested we must have the agency to choose between alternatives. Opposition is essential to provide such alternatives. All of us experience oppositions that test us. Some of these tests are temptations to sin. Some are mortal challenges apart from personal sin. Some are very great. Some are minor. Some are continuous, and some are mere episodes. None of us is exempt. Opposition permits us to grow toward what our Heavenly Father would have us become. Heavenly Father knows that we grow the most when we overcome challenges. Perhaps as the Church grows in strength and we members grow in faith and obedience, Satan increases the strength of his opposition so we will continue to have 'opposition in all things.' God rarely infringes on the agency of His children by intervening against some for the relief of others, but He does ease their burdens and gives them the strength to bear such burdens.

4. How do I get out of a spiritual rut?

• President Thomas S. Monson - I have been thinking recently about choices. It has been said that the door of history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s lives. The choices we make determine our destiny. Unlike Alice (in Wonderland), we know where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for the path we follow in this life leads to our destination in the next life. May we choose to build up within ourselves a great and powerful faith which will be our most effective defense against the designs of the adversary — a real faith, the kind of faith which will sustain us and will bolster our desire to choose the right. Without such faith we go nowhere. With it we can accomplish our goals. May we maintain the courage to defy the consensus. May we ever choose the harder right, instead of the easier wrong.

• Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson - Do we sometimes become so accustomed to the blessings that we receive as members of the church that we become complacent about the blessings and knowledge that we have? Think about all the things we believe as a religion. It is more than just a nice way to raise children. We need to get the gospel from our heads into our hearts. Believing, as opposed to only knowing, requires personal conversion. We all need to seek to have our hearts and very natures changed so that we no longer have a desire to follow the ways of the world but to please God. True conversion is a process that takes place over a period of time and involves a willingness to exercise faith. Conversion comes when we search the scriptures instead of the internet.

5. How do I maintain faith when trials seem never ending?

• President Eyring - They (two people who wrote to him) are not alone in their concern. All have had seeds — or the word of God — planted in their hearts at one time. And each felt the seed was good. It caused their hearts to swell and feel joy. And all have had their faith tested by delayed blessings, by vicious attacks from those determined to destroy their faith, by temptations to sin or, perhaps, by selfish acts and interests. Those who are saddened by the loss of the joy they once had are the blessed ones. Some do not see the withering of faith within themselves. Satan is clever. He tells those he wishes to be miserable that the joy they once felt was childish self-delusion. General conference will offer a precious opportunity to have hearts softened. Seeds of faith will be received and offer nourishment.

• Elder Hallstrom - When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? Or is our first response to remember who we are — that we are children of a loving God? You can have what you want, or you can have something better (quoting Elder Holland).

• Elder Steven E. Snow - If we choose to be spiritually attuned and remain humble and teachable, our prayers become more earnest and faith and testimony will grow as we overcome the tribulations of mortal existence. All of us look forward to exaltation, but before this can occur we must preserve what has been referred to as the ‘valley of humility.’ To be humble, we must constantly depend on the Lord through real, constant prayer. “I Need Thee Every Hour” was President Kimball’s favorite hymn.

• Bishop Christopher Waddell - Peace doesn’t come by avoiding trials. Peace comes through faith in Jesus Christ. Peace can be found even during trials. Because of Christ there can be happiness and hope, and people do not need to fear. In John 16:33 Christ states, “In me ye might have peace.” Faith in Christ and His Atonement is the first principle and the foundation upon which our hope for peace in this life and for eternal life in the next, is assembled. We may not have the ability to control all that happens around us, but we can control the way we deal with what happens.

6. Am I doing enough when I feel like I'm barely getting by?

• President Holland - Don’t be cast down in spirit when we see imperfections in others or in ourselves. Don’t get discouraged if we think we can’t measure up to what is taught in General Conference. The great thing about the gospel is that we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed. If God were to reward only the perfectly faithful, he wouldn’t have much of a distribution list. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength. Get back up. Then repent and repair and fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going. Soon enough you will have the success you seek. We will be blessed for our desire to do good. To qualify for those blessings, we must not deny them to others. Walk humbly. Judge righteously, not self- righteously. Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, forever. Quoting from Joshua: Sanctify yourselves for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.

Just because I don't refer to a specific talk doesn't mean that it didn't still touch me. There were beautiful talks about families, family counsels, fathers, refugees and more. The complete conference can be viewed here.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I Believe.