Sorry – this is long. It’s hard to write. But I have to get it out.
I’ve resisted writing about the murder of George Floyd and the rioting that has followed. I try to avoid controversy on my Facebook page. But as the white mother of black children, I think it would be irresponsible to stay silent. I am not an expert on racism. I am just a mom. But I think that when those of us with white privilege (and yes, it is a real thing whether you want to believe it or not) stay silent, we are contributing to the problem.
Adopting black children did not make me an expert on race. It did not remove my biases. We all have them. We have biases against different races, cultures, religions, sexual orientations, and/or economic status. They are a result of the way we were raised and the experiences we have had. People of all races have them. Being biased is not the same as being racist. What we all have to do is examine ourselves, identify our biases, and work through them. This isn’t something that just happens. It’s something that we have to conscientiously do. Thinking that the race problem in our country will solve itself over time is naïve. History has shown that won’t happen.
Adopting black children did open my eyes to the reality of racism and prejudice in our country. I have encountered both black and white people that don’t think a family like ours should exist, but those experiences have been few and very far between. I wonder if my children’s experiences will drastically change once they are not under the protection of white parents. I hope not, but I don’t know. I worry that I’m not preparing them for the future that awaits them. I don’t want them to look for racism, but I want them to recognize it when they see it.
I truly believe that most of us – black and white – are working toward better relations. I believe most of us are supportive of protestors and angry about a man being murdered over $20 by those sworn to protect him. I believe that the rioters have a different agenda. I believe that the white man who walks into the middle of a protest in a MAGA hat and yelling racist slurs also has a different agenda. Neither group represents the majority of us, but they very effectively polarize us.
I have had people ask what they can do. I’m not an expert, but let me ask some questions.
White people: Do you have black friends? Do they come over to your house? Do your kids have black friends? I’m not talking about kids in their school class or on their ball team. I’m talking about kids that come over to your house or homes where your kids go to play. Do you try to surround yourself and your children with diversity? Do your children have black role models in your community? I have to admit that I still need to do better in this area. It is the main reason my husband and I have decided to stay in South Carolina even though we don’t have family here.
Black people: Do you have white friends? Do they come over to your house? Do your kids have white friends? Do they play at each other’s houses? Are you a safe person for a white person to talk to about race? White people have few places to talk about race and try to come to an understanding. We live in fear of offending someone or saying the wrong thing. It’s hard to learn that way. (Even using the words white or black stresses me out because I'm never sure what words are politically correct to use.)
I am just one woman. I cannot change the world. But I can impact my family, my school, and hopefully have a positive effect on my relationships. I can teach my children to appreciate the differences around them. I can teach them to be proud of who they are and tolerant of those who are not like them. Unfortunately, I also have to teach them how to be safe and how to protect themselves. We had a talk just last night on where to draw the line between standing up for yourself and not putting yourself in harm’s way. That is a very different line for me as a white woman and my son as a future black man. There are no easy answers to that question.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even know if I have any answers. I know what is happening is not right. I know that no man should lose his life over $20. I know that the response to murder should not be looting innocent small business owners. I know it’s not right to take our anger out on all cops because of the rotten apples that have tarnished the reputation of the rest. I know that my heart is heavy. I know that I love my children and I want everyone else to love them too. I want to shield them from the ugliness that is out there, but I know I won’t be able to do that forever.
I hope that we will continue to stand up in the face of the ugliness that is racism and injustice so that the world is a better place by the time they have to go out into it.
No comments:
Post a Comment