Things I Have Learned

• Map Quest is WAAAAY better than Google Maps. However, no map is good enough to keep me from getting lost.
  
• Drivers in Washington DC are very impatient with people who drive too slowly (i.e. a lost me).


• Midsize rental cars are much more comfy than economy cars. Also, power locks and windows are very convenient and not always available on the cheapo cars.


• Forgetting to take your thyroid medication for several days in a row will make you even more tired and very emotional. Amazing how much better I feel after remembering to take it!


• I like small towns in the countryside much better than big cities.
  
• I am not used to seeing homes without fences. None of the houses around here have fenced in yards. That's how it was when I grew up and I loved it. Now it seems strange.


• Our country's history is fascinating and someday we'll have to come back here as a family to explore some of these incredible places. In the meantime, I'm taking lots of pictures of old buildings along the highway.


• If your rental car company claims the cost of your rental is now $1,100, try not to freak out and maybe a supervisor will help you. (Thanks, Alamo.)


• I have an amazing husband and have been blessed with two beautiful children.
  
• If I don't have time to kneel down and pray, my Father in Heaven is willing to listen to me anyway.

Waiting

I have now been away from home for a week. We have to wait for permission from Virginia and Utah to take Willie home. I found an interesting blog that talks about the ICPC process.

The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children [ICPC], enacted in all fifty states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands, has come under mounting scrutiny by adoption practitioners and policy makers. The ICPC, ostensibly designed to facilitate the interstate placement of children while assuring the suitability of the families with whom they are placed, is being increasingly viewed as a hindrance, rather than a facilitator of adoption, and as a bureaucratic barrier, rather than a tool to promote children's best interests.

I am inclined to agree with this statement since Virginia has yet to sign and the papers can't be sent to Utah until they do. If Virginia doesn't sign tomorrow, we'll probably be here another week. I have heard of nightmare stories where families were stuck for three months. Fortunately for us, we have kind family and friends who have let us stay with them so we haven't been in a hotel the whole time.

David went back to Utah on Sunday to go to school so I was left with both kids. I am ashamed to say that I did not handle things as well as I thought I would. I became emotional and impatient, probably at least in part due to the fact that I am sleep deprived. Willie sleeps great during the day, but gets up about every two hours at night. Not only is he hungry, but more often than not he has also peed through his clothes and requires a complete change.

Poor Baylie has to wonder what happened to her Mommy and who this creature is that replaced her. I find myself crying without warning. David flew in on Wednesday and took Baylie home with him (gotta love flight benefits). That prompted more crying from me because I have never spent a night away from Baylie and I was sure he would fall asleep in the airport and she would be kidnapped. (I know, more morbid thoughts.) Having David fly in was just what I needed. Just having him around calmed me and gave me the support I needed. Plus he got up with Willie and I got some sleep.

Unfortunately for him and Baylie, they got bumped and spent nine hours in Houston (okay, sometimes flight benefits aren't that great). Fortunately, we used to live in Houston and some of our dear friends came and picked them up so they didn't have to be at the airport the whole time. I'm glad that Baylie will get to sleep in her own bed tonight.

One benefit of having Baylie gone is that today it has just been me and Willie. I have fallen head over heels in love with him today. I've been able to hold him more because she is not requiring my attention. I've been able to watch his funny little face scrunch up and watch his eyes move in opposite directions, occasionally focusing on me and I swear I've seen him smile a few times (I refuse to believe it's just gas). He is a snuggle bug and I am treasuring this time with just the two of us.

Hospital

When we got to the hospital, we were reminded of recent policies that don't allow children in. Since we had Baylie, we couldn't meet Willie's birthmother together (I'm not using her name or details about her in order to protect her privacy). One of us had to stay with Baylie. This proved to be a stressful thing for us throughout the day. I decided to meet her first.

I can't really describe the feeling of knocking on a hospital room door and entering to meet the mother of your future child. I'm not sure how I felt: excited? invasive? nervous? She was holding her little baby. I asked her if she was okay and if she was comfortable with her decision. She asked if I wanted to hold the baby. I told her no, that I would have plenty of time to hold him and I wanted her to hold him as long as possible. I showed her the picture we had brought for her of our family. I'm not sure if she knew about Baylie before that, but she seemed relieved to see the picture. We talked a little bit about ourselves. She was a sweet girl and she loved her little boy. Later in the day as I heard her talking to her sister on the phone, she cried as she explained that she had to do this because she knew it was the best thing for her baby. It brought tears to my eyes as well.

Throughout the day David and I traded places, alternately spending time with her and with Baylie. Baylie was a trooper, but it was a hard day for her. At about 3:00 p.m., I realized I hadn't fed her. Poor thing.

We didn't get discharged from the hospital until 6:00 p.m. (Willie's birthmom had already left.) We were exhausted. I had stayed up all night on Tuesday working on a present for my mom's birthday, Wednesday night we had spent flying and now it was Thursday night. I think we were all about ready to crash. But in the end, we had our little boy and we headed to our hotel.

Legally when you adopt a child, you can name the baby whatever you want. In the case of Baylie, we have a closed adoption, so we gave her a completely different name from the one her birthmother had selected. In the case of Willie, his birthmother seemed very concerned that we would change his name, so out of respect to her, we added the first name she had chosen to the name we had already selected. She had named him Jalin.

We knew what his official name was and we tried calling him variations on it: Jalin, Will, William, Waylan, etc. In the end, we settled on Willie. I think that will eventually become Will.

Traveling

I was so stressed from getting everything ready that I ended up with a huge migraine. I was truly afraid that I was going to throw up on the way to the airport and struggled not to ask David to pull over.

I can fly standby on Continental Airlines, but because we had to be there and Delta could get us there first, we flew with them. Their customer service from beginning to end was outstanding. We flew to Denver - 2 hour layover - then to Atlanta - 3 hour layover - and finally to Roanoke. All together it was 13 hours of traveling, time enough to have gone to Europe and back. Our first flight was very bumpy and I wondered if we'd be a tragedy on the news, "Hopeful family dies in plane crash on their way to pick up little adopted baby." I know it's morbid, but sometimes, actually often, my mind works this way.

Traveling for such a long period of time allowed me to think too much. I realized that I hadn't colored my hair and my gray roots were about two inches long. What if the birth mother saw that and thought I was too old? I noticed that Baylie's fingernails hadn't been trimmed recently. Not only were they long, there was dirt under them! What if the birthmother thought I didn't take good care of the child I already had?

I also found myself thinking about Baylie's birthmom and wondering what her flight had been like. Had she been nervous, scared, was there turbulence? I know she was alone and my heart went out to her as it often does.

We finally arrived in Roanoke at 11 a.m. We changed clothes in the airport bathroom and went to pick up our rental car. It was a small two-door. There was no way our luggage, two car seats and a stroller were going to fit. We were already stressed about making it to the hospital, but knew we had to get a bigger car. We drove straight to the hospital and arrived a little after noon.

Getting Matched

Well, I finally have a few minutes to myself and I thought I'd try and catch up. There's much to share, but I know long blog posts can be boring, so I'll try and summarize and break it up.

As you may have read in earlier posts, I have had some very strong spiritual confirmations that we were to adopt again. Throughout my life, I have felt the hand of the Lord directing me and guiding me. However, it is rare that I feel "pushed," meaning that the feeling is so strong it is obvious. That is what has happened to me over the past few weeks.

Because of the generosity of my siblings who are truly selfless, as well as my parents who do everything humanly possible to help their children, as well as some fund raising, we were able to get enough money to make the difference between the adoption costs we were planning on and the limit on our credit card. We know we will be in debt forever and our kids will be on their own for their college education :).

We had been notified that there were two birth mothers planning to come to Utah the last week of February to deliver little boys. They were being sent our profile to see if either of them would select our family to adopt their baby. So I knew time was short for getting ready. Hah! Now that time seems like a luxury.

On Wednesday at about noon we got a phone call saying a little boy had been born in Virginia and asking if we were interested. The birthmother wanted a commitment that the adoptive family would visit her and since I have flight benefits, we were uniquely qualified. If we wanted him, we needed to fly to Virginia that same night. Yikes! I called David, told him I didn't have time to process it as I would be booking flights, hotel, car, packing, digging stuff out of storage, etc. I asked him to pray about it and let me know what he thought. I no sooner hung up than he called me back. He said he couldn't even start the prayer because his heart was beating so fast and he knew this was our little boy. The race was on!

The day is kind of a blur to me now. I know my mom went with me to the bank and my sister in law Shanelle went through the baby stuff and pulled out everything we'd need for the trip. I know the people at our adoption agency, Heart and Soul, were amazing at encouraging us and getting us ready. We have loved working with them on both of our adoptions. I know my heart was in my throat as I hoped we were doing the right thing, prayed the birthmother wouldn't change her mind and wondered what our little man would look like.

Amazingly enough, the adoption cost less than the ones that were due in March and all we had to put on our credit card were our travel expenses.

Welcome Willie!

It's been a crazy few days. We are all exhausted, but very happy. Willie is a beautiful little boy. David is flying home today, but I have to wait for the court to sign off before I can come home with Willie. I'll fill in all details later. Thanks for all the well wishes. I am WAY OVER my text limit for the month :).

IT'S A BOY!!

FLYING TO VIRGINIA TONIGHT TO PICK UP A BABY BOY!

Martin Luther King Day (one day late)

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. . . one day . . . little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

I have heard key phrases from the marvelous speech of Dr. Martin Luther King, but today is the first time I read it from beginning to end. It is powerful and beautiful.

I wonder what Dr. King would think of our transracial families. I hope he would be pleased, but maybe he would be like those who think that instead of bridging prejudice, we are wiping out the black culture. I know that my nieces and nephews do not see the color of Baylie's skin. They just love her as another cousin, another member of this big, crazy, happy family. That has to be a good thing.

Faith Preceeds the Miracle

As I've mentioned in previous posts, we feel like we're supposed to adopt, but we have no idea how. I've been questioning myself and wondering if my feelings were correct or not. This morning as I prayed, I felt again that they were right.

Then, I was reading in the Ensign (a magazine published by our church) and came across an article called What Should We Do When We Don’t Know What to Do? It was so pertinent to our current situation. To top it off, it was written by someone I know personally. Elder Ellis was in our stake in Houston and I was good friends with his daughter-in-law (he mentions her husband, Matt, in the article). You can read the article here.

This afternoon some things happened that further confirmed to me that we're doing the right thing at the right time. I'm scared to death and have no idea how this will work out, but I know we have to move forward.

P.S. Let me know if you find a spare $22,000 laying around.

Need a Tissue?