Turning 40

Today is my 40th birthday. Sigh. Turning 40 is weird. When I was in my 20's, I was still young. It was the decade of adventure and discovery - living in Mexico, traveling the world. In my 30's, I learned to just accept who I am and to actually like myself. The 30's were my favorite decade. I found David, got married and had a baby - just under the wire. Now I'm 40. That's so old! I always thought 40 year olds were over the hill, on the brink of middle age. I don't feel old. My joints ache a little more than they used to and I have this one wrinkle under my left eye that seems to get deeper and deeper, but I still feel young.

The worst part is, when I would say I was 39 and my husband was 27, it didn't sound too bad. Sure, there's a big age difference, but it's a "You go girl!" kind of age difference. Now that I'm 40 and my husband is 27, it's more like a "isn't that a felony?" kind of age difference.

Overall, I can't complain though. I have lived a good life and there is little in my life that I would do differently. God has been good to me and while He doesn't always do things the way I want them to be done or when I think they should be done, inevitably He does them in the way that is best for me. I am grateful for the life and love he has given me.

Priceless

Adoption Match Fee - $3,400.00
Adoption Placement Fee - $15,100.00
Four Different Background Checks - $201.62
Being a Mom Before You're 40 - PRICELESS!

Showered With Love

Last night we had a baby shower. I was amazed at the kindness and generosity of so many wonderful women. I'm so blessed first of all to have such a great mother, sister and sisters in law who went to all lengths to throw such a fun shower. (Of course, with two chocolate fountains, my Weight Watcher weigh in is going to be a little sad tomorrow.)

So many people came and it was fun to share our joy with them. It was kind of embarassing to receive so many gifts because I feel almost selfish to get so much. But it was greatly appreciated and the gifts were heartfelt and from women that I dearly love. The cards were kind and I was moved by how many people said I "deserve" to be so happy. That meant a lot to me. One gift was a Willow People carving of a man and wife holding a new baby. That simple sculpture brought me to tears. It seemed to symbolize what we've been through and how tender it is to finally be a family.

I am greatful to be surrounded by such loving family and friends. When filling in adoption paperwork, a common question is whether or not our extended family/friends are supportive of our decision to adopt. We've never had to wonder about that. We have received nothing but excitement and support. We're so grateful that Baylie is accepted and loved by all the people that are closest to us.

Poems

Posting poems is always a scary thing because I never know if the poems are good or will just embarass me. But here are three more.

Baylie Anne Batchelor
My daughter.
I look into your eyes
As you look back at me
And I can't stop smiling.

I watch your daddy
Look at you in wonder.
His face is softer,
His bounce a little higher.

I want to put my heart
in your little chest,
So you can be filled
With this love I have for you.

I want you to know God,
To love Christ,
To be happy,
To reach your potential.

I dread your first skinned knee,
Your first hurt feeling,
Your future broken heart,
And want to hold your hand forever.


New Man
I love my husband,
He's kind and good.
He does the things
A husband should.

But there's a new man
Who's stolen my heart.
And I love him more -
I knew from the start.


My heart's a flutter,
My soul sings gladly
When I look at this man -
Who's now my daughter's daddy.

Rage
Such anger, such wrath.
Frustration fills face, arms and legs.
Every muscle tensed in agony -
All over the loss of a pacifier.