Singing With Daddy

One of my favorite things is when Baylie sings with her daddy. It is so cute. Here they are singing a song to help get Baylie ready for bed. (You can tell from the picture that she's already preparing for stardom.)

I Don't Want to Work

I know there are lots of opinions about moms and working outside the home. I'm not taking a stand on that, but rather just commenting on me and what I want.

I have a perfect working situation. I work four hours a day and I work from home. Right now I work nights, so Baylie just has to be watched by my mom or another family member for a few hours between when I start and David gets home. In spite of that, I wish I could just be a full-time mom. The hardest is when my mom is out of town and I have to take Baylie to my brother and his wife (thanks Scott & Beth) to watch. They're great with her and I feel so lucky to have them because I know how much they love her. But I hate that Baylie and I are not under the same roof during that time. The other day she wasn't feeling well when I dropped her off and I cried all the way back home because I felt so guilty for leaving her. I know I'm really lucky that usually I get to work with her just in the other room and I'm grateful for that. (To be honest, I am not that fond of being tied to a phone for four hours a day. For a multi-tasker like me, it's torture.)

This has all come to a head lately because the airline I work for is going to lay off 3,000 people in the fall. I don't think my job is in jeapordy, but if I choose to leave the company voluntarily, I would have flight benefits for the rest of my life. It is so tempting to take that offer. The problem is if I quit working, we can't afford to get our own apartment and pay for health insurance unless I cash in my 401-K. It's kind of scary because if we move in a year or so for David to get his doctorate, we'll lose all the flight benefits. After 11 years, I would hate to not be able to hop on a plane and fly wherever I want whenever I want.

I have changed my mind several different times, but David and I have prayed about it and we feel that I should keep working while he finishes school. He already works and studies and his schedule is maxed out. We need the little bit I bring in plus the insurance. And with the flexibility I have, it would be kind of silly not to keep working. But still...

Paradigm Shift

Growing up, I only knew two black kids - and one of them was adopted into a white family. Perhaps because of that, I could never understand racism or racial divisions. I couldn't understand why everyone couldn't just forget the past and move on. It seemed like it was the only way to get past slavery and segregation. I was so naive.

Not long after I moved to Houston, a man in Jasper, Texas, was chained to the back of a pickup truck and drug to death. It was a brutal killing and all because he was black. And for the first time, I realized that we can't just forget the past.

I look at my little Baylie and wonder what her life would have been like a few years ago. She would have had to drink from separate fountains, use different bathrooms, go to separate schools and I probably couldn't have been her mother.

And what if she'd been born before that? I remember visiting a plantation in South Carolina. On the wall was a framed shopping list. It had the usual items like wheat, cloth, etc. But what caught my eye and gave me a cold chill was "one slave girl." It was listed like just another item on the shopping list. Now I look at my beautiful girl and wonder what if she'd been born at such a time. At what age would she have started working? When would she have been torn from her mother's side? She is such a beautiful thing, would she have been abused? Again, I now realize we can't forget the past.

I worry about the day Baylie runs up against discrimination. The day a boy's parents won't let him ask her out or someone says something toughtless or insensitive. I hope we continue to progress as a nation and become less hateful and prejudiced. But I doubt she will be completely free from these types of experiences.

I realize now I can't teach my daughter to be color blind. It would be wrong to try and do so. But I can teach her to embrace diversity. Not just of color, but of nationality, religion and lifestyle. Doing so has made my life so much more rewarding and rich. I hope it will do the same for her.

I hope Baylie can study her heritage, be proud of her background - biological and adopted. I hope she will learn from the past, but not let it define her, let it be a part of her, but still have the independence of will and spirit to carve out her own unique niche in the world.

Hula Hooping Hubby

Okay, someone this goofy has to be a great dad!

In Love

One of the best moments in life has to be when you realize you're truly in love with your spouse. Tonight I sat and listened to David sing Baylie to sleep. She was cooing loudly as if she was trying to join in. It was the cutest thing and so beautiful. She talks more for David than for anyone else. My heart overflowed with love for both of them and I realized how lucky I am to be part of this little family.

It took me a long time to get them, but they were so worth waiting for. It's hard when I can't see the end of the path I'm on and sometimes I lose patience. But in the end, God always does what's best for me. I think I'm getting better at having faith, but it's still not easy to wait sometimes. It helps when in the end, things work out so well.