Daddy Daughter Date

This is my favorite Baylie hairdo.

One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a great dad. He has decided to take Baylie on a date once a month. Last Friday was their first date. They went to Chuck E. Cheese's and Baylie was very excited about it. The next day when I asked her what she wanted for lunch, she answered, "Pizza!".

Jalen's Home!!

He's on oxygen, but at least he's home!

Silver Linings

Under the same roof for the first time in five days.

I have a firm belief that every cloud has it's silver lining. So here are some silver linings related to Jalen's hospital stay. (We think he can come home tomorrow.)

• I've had hours and hours of one-on-one time with Jalen.
• I get to sleep through the night (David takes night shift at the hospital).
• I've gained an appreciation for my husband and his willingness to help out however necessary.
• I've gained an appreciation for my mom. She's on a cruise and doesn't know Jalen's sick. If she were here all of this would be easier.
• I've been blessed by the love and generosity shown by those who have given us meals, babysat Baylie and offered kind words and support. (Too many to list, but you know who you are.)
• I've learned how important it is to have a pediatrician I like and trust (Earnest Bailey of Utah Valley Pediatrics with an office on 8th North in Orem).
• I've been able to watch Rachel Ray and get awesome cooking tips. (I've been frying my eggs with too much heat. I lowered it and voila, my best eggs ever.)
• I've had lots and lots of scripture study time and have passed off several Personal Progress goals.
• I've watched Jalen be cuddled in homemade blankets that have been donated to the hospital. (Once Jalen's a little older, I'm going to donate all our handmade receiving blankets to the hospital.)
• I've learned how important it is to visit people in the hospital. It gets pretty lonely and I love my sister-in-law Shanelle for bringing me Del Taco for lunch.
• I'm grateful for free parking at the hospital. In Houston, the medical center charged for parking, which I always thought was adding insult to injury.

It seems like Jalen has changed so much just since he's been in the hospital. Today he was smiling and gurgling. Can't wait to get him home!

To Blog or Not to Blog

I'm feeling pretty emotionally fragile and questioning the wisdom of blogging today, but I'm also bursting, so I think it's a good idea to just get it out.

I still don't think I've recovered emotionally from the whole adoption trip to Virginia. Then David went to Austin last Sunday - Wednesday to visit the University of Texas (hook 'em horns). The music school has unofficially accepted him into their doctorate program. That's awesome and a huge relief (even though I still secretly hope for U of U), but it was hard to be alone for four days. I don't know how military wives do it.

And then when things were starting to settle down again, Baylie got sick and gave it to Jalen. Jalen has been in the hospital since about midnight Friday with RSV. It's been pretty stressful watching him struggle to breathe and not being able to do much for him. But we've been blessed that he hasn't had pneumonia or anything other than RSV. He has been so good and hardly cries at all. I will be glad to see him without any tubes connected to him. I feel guilty everytime I have to leave him.

David and I have been trading off between him and Baylie, just greeting each other long enough to swap cars and kids. It's been emotionally and physically exhausting. I keep telling myself that at least I know that in the end I can bring my baby home. There are so many parents that have much greater trials in regards to their children's health. Today was the best day so far as he really seemed to improve and I got to hold him most of the day.

Unfortunately, the calm was not to last. Jalen's birthmom contacted me today to say that his birth father might contest the adoption. I'm scared and devastated. I was numb for the first little while. I didn't feel anything at all. But the more time that passes, the heavier my heart gets and the harder it is not to just break down completely. We had been told that Jalen was the result of a one-night stand and his mom didn't know where the father was. Apparently that wasn't true. Jalen's birthmom decided to contact the birthfather and let him know that she had a baby. I am trying not to be angry with her for not doing this before she gave her baby to us. I can't help but wonder why she is doing it now.

If his birth father decides to contest the adoption, we will fight for him, but the thought of doing that breaks my heart. I would rather have an open relationship that is happy and healthy for everyone concerned. But now that we have raised this little boy for a month and have been through so much with him, he is ours and we can't give him back. At the same time, I feel for the birthfather who didn't even know he had a son. I hope and pray that like Jalen's birthmother, his father will decide that this is a good thing for his son and will relinquish his rights. I can't bear to think about the alternative.

Along with everything else, I wonder how we're going to pay for medical and legal bills on top of the adoption that has already stretched us to the limit. Not long ago I was thinking of how easy my life was and how I hadn't had difficult trials in a while. I should have known better. For now, I'm trusting in the fact that I know God prepared us for this adoption and confirmed to us that this little boy was meant to be part of our family. I know that even He can't force the free agency of His children, but I will have faith that whatever happens will be the best for all of us.

Funnies by Baylie

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've started putting some of the cute things Baylie says in the margin of the blog. I'm going to be deleting some of them soon, so I thought I'd draw attention to them first. She's a crack up.

My Mind on Paper

I want to highly recommend the blog My Mind on Paper. The gentleman who writes this blog, Kevin D. Hofmann, is bi-racial and was adopted by a white family as an infant. His adoptive parents lived in Birmingham, Alabama in the 60's. I love the way he writes. In addition to the blog posts, be sure and read the chapters for the book he is writing. The chapters make me laugh and cry. I especially like the fact that Kevin writes of his experience without trying to preach or force a point of view. He just tells his story.




As for me, I'm feeling guilty because I can't seem to meet all the needs of my children. When Baylie needs me, Jalen starts crying. When Jalen needs me, Baylie starts crying. How do parents with lots of kids do it? I have a hard time with two!


I read a quote in FamilyFun magazine (great mag by the way) that said when both are crying, you should take care of the toddler first because they will remember it and the infant won't. I try to remember that, but sometimes the infant has to come first.

Mixed Reviews

Baylie thought her big girl bed was "awesome". . .

. . . until she had to sleep in it. Here she is, fast asleep. (And this is after David had removed her sleeping body from the floor and put it back in bed once.)

"My Son"

Today Jalen had his first check-up. When I was checking in with the receptionist, I told her the appointment was for "my son." It was the first time I had said those words. It sent a thrill through me and I kept thinking over and over "my son, my son, I have a son." For some reason, saying it out loud made it feel more real. I have always wanted a boy and this little man fills a special place in my heart.

He is gaining weight quickly. He was born 8 lbs. 3 oz. and now weighs 9 lbs. 8.5 oz. He was 21 inches at birth and is now 22 inches. I hope he keeps growing and becomes a great athlete. He'll probably be his father's son and become a great piano player instead. Maybe we'll both get lucky and have a David Robinson (for you non sports fans, he was a concert pianist who played professional basketball for the San Antonio Spurs - and was a graduate of the Naval academy).

There are also some concerns since he has a hematoma on his head from delivery, has a heart murmur and one of his hip sockets hasn't fully formed. We'll have to go back in two weeks to see if these things are correcting themselves. We hope for the best.

Baylie is still doing good, but has needed some extra cuddling lately. I think we're going to modify her crib into a daybed so she feels like a big girl. She mimics everything we do, which is cute but a little bit humbling (i.e. don't say "crap" in front of your kids).

As for me, I've decided to let my gray hair grow out and not color it. I'm hoping it will be white like my Grandpa's was and not dingy gray. We'll see. Wish me well as I'm sure people will tell me how cute my grandchildren are (I've already had a couple people assume Baylie was my granddaughter instead of my daughter. Sigh.)

Birth Announcement

Adjusting

There are two questions I get asked most frequently: 1) Are you getting any sleep? 2) How is Baylie adjusting?

1) When we first got Baylie, people would always ask if we were sleep deprived. I'd say yes and think that people sure had exaggerated how tired you get after having a baby. I didn't think it was really that bad. At that point, I just assumed most babies slept six hours at a time at night. After the first few nights, we only had to get up with Baylie once a night and before long, not at all. Even now, she sleeps 10-12 hours a night.

Well, things have certainly changed! Jalen sleeps 2-3 hours at a time at night. Even when he's asleep, he usually won't stay asleep if we set him down. During the day he's a great sleeper, usually going four hours. Fortunately, David is a great help and we trade off, each sleeping half the night and watching Jalen the other half. It's probably harder on David than me, since I'm used to being a night owl.

2) Baylie LOVES Jalen. The first thing she says when she wakes up in the morning or from her nap is "Baby Brudder?" She hugs him and says "Cute!" Unfortunately, she also gouges his eyes and says "Pretty eyes." (I wonder if that's because so many people have said that to her.) She loves to hug him and tries to share her toys with him. He's pretty patient about it all. She does seem to want to be held everytime I'm feeding him, but overall there has been very little jealousy.

Ready for the Superbowl.

My personal favorite.

The Name Game

We have had endless drama in deciding what to name our little guy. We settle on something, but then decide we don't like it. We feel like it's such an important decision. We have always loved Baylie's name. So after trial, error and deliberation, we have settled on the following:

Jalen W. Batchelor

The 'W' will represent a few different family names.