Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sleep Deprived

Last night Baylie and Jalen were each tucked into their bed at about 7:30 p.m. after the standard night time ritual. At about 10:00 p.m., this is what we found. Jalen has started crawling into bed with Baylie at nap time and night time. I'm not sure how he crawls over her without waking her up. Neither of them likes to sleep with covers on. (The blue on Baylie's face is from make up she applied earlier.)


When I got up to go to the bathroom at about 4 a.m., this is what I found. I'm not sure how they both crawled into our bed without waking us up. Baylie has been a pro at this for some time. Jalen used to be crazy, but now he's pretty smooth about it too. (I should have taken the picture with the cat sprawled out on my spot, but I moved him before I thought to take one.)


Unfortunately, Jalen woke up at about 5 a.m. and thought that we should all join him. he does this on a regular basis. Someday when he's a lazy teenager, I'm going to crawl into bed with him at 5 a.m. and return the favor! (Although I'll probably spare him the elbow to the jaw that is evidenced by the bruise on mine!)

Friday, February 17, 2012

There's Always Room for Jello!

We've spent a lot of time inside this week because I've had a cold and I've also been trying (and failing) to potty train Jalen. 

To break up the monotony, we decided to make this fun finger jello from Family Fun. (You can download the recipe HERE.) It took all day to make and making it was a mommy job, but we all had fun cutting out the shapes. (Note that it took a long time because each layer had to set, not because it was difficult to make.)




In hind sight, maybe it wasn't actually finger jello.

Carrots are Good for Your Eyes

That's what I told Baylie during lunch yesterday.

(This was previously posted on facebook, but my mom never looks at facebook so I had to repost here.)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

This is What I Got for Valentine's Day (Beat That!)


A Flower Wild Growing

Look with your mind upon a flower,
A rose wild growing in June;
Not the red velvet,
Nor the snowy white,
But the seldom variety that sometimes is seen
But is known very well at only a glance,
Like the smell of a favorite dish that floods you with nostalgia,
Or the sound of the Claire de lune.

Look with your mind on this image,
Envision one ray direct from the sun,
Piercing the overcast heavens,
Touching the earth at the foot of the stem
Where the dirt lies quietly hugging.

The time is dawn and dew is hanging,
Like drops of thoughts that will soon be forgotten;
Thoughts about the dream–
The dream now departed–
Wherein visions of nothing meant everything at once,
And sense was unimportant.

Those drops low hanging,
Which, in the ray now beaming,
Glisten, or bend light to fan out in your direction,
They sag by the pull in the core of the world,
To drop, or be drunk by creation,
But on this morn they’ll defy the prescribed
And vanish in the warmth of the light.

The clouds open.

You move to the flower and crouch to be near it.
You observe what few have thought to observe,–
Or thought to consider at all–
You lie on your back and it stands beside you.

What marvel of color in contrast with color:
Rich green on the parts that look down on the soil,–
This against the blue of the sky–
The soft spreading petals bending up like a cup
As if to draw in descending love,
These are white where they meet the receptacle
But patiently pinken on their way to sun;
Leaves in vibrant green,
As you look down, amplify the browns in the soil;
The bee, the ladybug, the caterpillar passerby,
Add to the mixture their yellow, red, black, and blue.

Who, who, could know your wonder,
An awe like one never known?
And what, what, what could express
This reverence that moves you to stillness?

I am accustomed to the wonderment.
Its company is familiar.
I feel on occasions when I luck to be by you
The breath of this moment,
The stillness.

You are my nostalgia;
My voluntary dream.
You reflect light on lightless days, and it envelops you.
I thought to look and you colored my life
With contrasts that took, nay take my breath away
And offer it up in communion.

---
For Kristin
From David
Valentine’s Day, 2012
I love you

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Dancing With David

I am fortunate to be married to a true romantic. David is the guy who not only does the little things, but also enjoys the grand gesture. I get flowers every month, poems every now and then, he cleans up the cat poop, and he even loves to take me dancing. Unfortunately for David, I am not a true romantic and I don't really enjoy dancing that much. But I do love a fun night out without the kids (and I do think David's pretty sexy when he's dancing...).

One funny thing about dancing with David is that he will analyze the music. He gets very frustrated when the composer doesn't "resolve the chord," and during a slow song he whispered, "Wow, that's a very long dominant chord." Sure, honey. Whatever you say. (Even after almost 10 years of marriage, I'm still clueless about these things.)

As much as I enjoy a night out with my husband, when it comes to dancing, it doesn't get any better than this:
 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

My Battle With Weight

I've been thinking a lot lately about my mortality. I have a great fear that because of my weight I will die young and leave my children motherless. It scares me.

This picture makes me sad. I had a very happy childhood, but I remember always feeling fat. In this picture, if you look closely, you'll see that I'm sucking in my cheeks. I think I'm five years old here and I was already self conscious about my fat face. Looking back, I probably wasn't that far from normal, but I felt ugly and awkward. 

I was always the heaviest of all my friends and even though I played sports, I was never thin. My senior year in high school I started running and lifting weights. I also replaced lunch and all my snacks with apples. By the time I graduated, I weighed 150 pounds and was a size 10. That's the smallest I've ever been.

My weight went up and down throughout college and my mission. Looking back at pictures, I realize that a lot of times I looked okay, but I always felt fat. I weighed 220 pounds when I left on my mission.

At the end of my  mission, I weighed around 180 pounds. Over the next few years, my weight kept creeping up.

When I got married, I weighed 240 pounds. I've always been grateful that David loved me and has never noticed my weight. He has never been anything but supportive of me. That being said, I know he has concerns about my health.

It was during our struggles with infertility that I finally decided I had to get serious about weight loss. I was diagnosed with PCOS and knew that I would need to lose weight if we were to have any hope of getting pregnant. Unfortunately, the infertility treatments caused me to gain even more weight. I also found that I had hypothyroidism, which makes it even harder to lose weight. I finally joined Weight Watchers  in February of 2006. I lost 73 pounds over the next two years, but still didn't get pregnant. I reached my lowest Weight Watchers weight of 223.8 on May 17, two months after Baylie was born. 

After adopting Baylie, I gradually started to gain the weight back and I couldn't seem to stop it. It happened little by little, but by last fall - about 3 1/2 years after hitting my lowest WW weight, I had gained most of the weight back.

And here I am today. (I'm not as brave as my friend Dayna that posted her actual weight on her blog.) I can't even stand to look at myself. I have recently started watching The Biggest Loser on Netflix and it has really motivated me to change my life and get control. I had never wanted to watch the show because I thought it was negative and competitive instead of supportive, but it's not that way at all. David and I have started working out and it feels good to be exercising my body again. A couple friends and I have been doing Weight Watchers online with little success, but now we have a weekly meeting to encourage and support each other. In the three weeks since we started meeting, I've lost five pounds. I refuse to give up.

Here's what motivates me:
  • I want to be alive when my kids grow up. 
  • I want to teach them to be more healthy. 
  • I want to wear cute clothes.
  • I don't want to feel tired all the time.
  • I want to have energy.
  • I want to sit in a seat at the theater or on an airplane or in a public restroom and not worry about fitting.
I found some websites that calculate your life expectancy. THIS ONE gave me an expectancy of 86 and THIS ONE 82 (this one requires an e-mail address). This has given me great hope and I feel a little less stressed about dying young. Now I'm just going to focus on getting healthy and enjoying whatever time I do have.