Yummy Cereal

Okay, this is probably a blog only a mother would love since it's long and probably boring to everyone but me and David. Also, I apologize in advance for my obnoxious laugh. We're quite proud of Baylie's eating ability though.

The Joy of Adoption

Last night my mom and I went to a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was my first one, so I didn't really know what to expect. There were several families there and children of all sizes and colors.

I didn't know anyone but the ladies from the agency and I'm not usually outgoing in a group, so mostly I just sat with my mom and observed others.

As I looked around, I couldn't help but marvel at the happiness that surrounded me. I figured that most of these parents had been through what we had been through. The pain and heartache of infertility followed by the hope, frustration and financial stress of adoption. It's a long road and only someone who has walked it knows what it's really like. I got emotional thinking of how we all now share a joy only found through finally receiving a long-awaited child. My mom pointed out how the fathers in particular carried their new infants with such pride and posessiveness. It was a beautiful site to see. I particularly liked seeing other families like ours - white parents with beautiful black children (although I have to say that Baylie was the cutest baby there - I'm sure I'm totally objective about that.).

What a great job the ladies of Heart and Soul Adoptions have - to bring so much joy to so many people. And it's not an easy job. I don't know what everyone else is like to work with, but I know I wasn't easy. By the time I got to them, we had been trying to adopt for three years. I was emotionally exausted. I'm sure there were times I sounded sharp and impatient. I was stressed over how much it was costing to adopt and I couldn't always understand why everything happened how and when it did. But they were always kind, patient and positive. And they gave us the perfect baby. How can you ever repay someone for giving you the best blessing?

I don't know why our road to parenthood was as long or as contorted as it was, but I do know that I was meant to be Baylie's mom and she was meant to be my daughter. If anything had happened differently, we might have missed each other. Any pain I have been through is worth the joy I feel as I tuck her in at night and greet her smiling face every morning.

Freaking Out

Okay, I'm freaking out. Today we met with our attorney to get prepared for court. We learned that our birth father notification wasn't done in the right state, so we still have to get that out of the way before we can finalize. I had thought it was taken care of four months ago, so now I'm stressing out. Partly because I'm hoping it can get done before we go to court, but mostly because secretly I still have a terrifying fear that a birth father will crop up from somewhere and take Baylie from us. The attorney assured us that it is not very likely and in my mind I know that's true, but in my heart, I still worry about it. If we were to lose Baylie at this point, I don't think I could bear it.

Check out those blue eyes!

No Such Thing as Too Many Hugs

I take a lot of good-natured ribbing about the fact that I hold Baylie so much. People say that I'm spoiling her and that she's not happy unless she's being held. It's not true, and even if it is, I don't care. I love to hold her and I'll hold her as much as I possibly can.

Today I read a very emotional blog at http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/. My sister had told me about this blog that is being written by a mother who recently lost her 14-month old daughter to drowning. I had put off reading it because I knew it would be emotional. It was, and I've spent the past hour crying. But it's not so much a sad blog as it is an emotional blog of a mother working through her feelings and professing her faith in God. It's actually a very faith-promoting blog. After reading it, I am again convinced that I should hold Baylie as much as possible. I recommend this blog to anyone dealing with grief.

Reading her blog also makes me want to share the experience of my miscarriage, but I'll do that another day. For now, I'm going to go snuggle with my daughter and be grateful I have her.