Soccer Stars

It's soccer time again and we love it. This season Baylie and Jalen are on different teams, which is good for them, but it means an additional night of practice. Currently we have two nights of soccer practice, one night of gymnastics and then games on Saturdays. I'd also like to start Baylie on an instrument, but I don't want to overschedule her, so we'll probably wait on that. Today both kids had games at the same time, so David and I swapped at half time. Fortunately, they still play on the same field.

Baylie scored two goals.

Jalen scored three. We pay them a quarter a goal, so this is getting to be expensive.

After the game, we went to a local park for a picnic. It's a park we used to visit all the time when we lived in the apartments, but we haven't been there in a long time. The lake was really full. It was fun to see the ducks and turtles again.

Baylie is getting closer and closer to being able to do the crossing bars. She has wanted to do this FOREVER.

It was a lovely fall day.

It's Always Fun When Grammy Comes

I love my mom. She is the most vivacious, outgoing person I have ever met. She makes everyone feel special. She is an amazing missionary. She has been my best friend all of my life, even during the years when she drove me crazy and I didn't think she understood me.

This past week my mom came to Columbia so we could go to Time Out for Women together. Time Out is an outstanding conference designed for LDS women. You can read more about it HERE.

Baylie LOVES her grammy. They have always had a special bond. I kept Baylie home from school so we could all go to the zoo together. Baylie was brave and fed the birds. This is a relatively new development for her.

The koala was particularly cute.

Baylie and Grammy rode the carousel together.

Jalen wanted to ride the tiger...

...and then the panther.

The kids enjoyed a pony ride.

Jalen was particularly happy that they let him ride the black horse. He didn't want to ride the other one.

Big enough.

Riding the rails.

Actually, Jalen told me that it wasn't a real train because there weren't any tracks.

And my favorite part of the zoo - feeding the giraffes!

We fed the squirrels...

..and rode the Galapagos turtles.

Not really.

Baylie conquered her fear of the gorilla (sort of).

Walk like a flamingo. (We were sad to learn that all the koi fish died because of polluted water.)

Jalen and Baylie got to touch a snake.

On our way out of the parking lot, the kids tried out their best dance moves.

We've got some serious talent. (Gotta love the flower in Jalen's mouth.)

Grammy was only here a week. The time flew by. Jalen was so sad when we left her at the airport. Baylie said it wasn't enough time. She was right.

Happy, Happy Birthday, David Dear

Today David turns 33 years old - pretty amazing. When I married him, he was a very young 21. He has changed a lot since then, but he has stayed the same in all the most important ways. There are many things I love about David. My favorite is that he is truly the best dad in the world. He loves nothing better than to wrestle on the floor with his kids, jump on the tramp or make up elaborate stories to tell them. He's also great at giving foot rubs.

Rather than me list the things I love about him, I decided to get input from other people that love him - so here you go!

David's Mom - When David was on his mission he would write me and Frank wonderful tender exciting letters. We felt like we were with him on his mission. That was amazing. Then he would send us photos of the beautiful Italian country. My heart was filled with such joy that he would allow me and Frank to be a part of his beautiful life. We love him so very much. Love Mom 

My brother, Clark - My children all believe that they are his favorite! That is a great gift because he makes them all feel special. 

David's step father, Frank - David has done a lot for me. His first words to me after his mother and I got married in Houston were, "welcome to the family". It was his talk in Church on The Holy Ghost that brought the Gospel into my Life. With out that talk I do not know if I would have ever seen the Missionaries. Our shared mission when he was in Italy and I was Ward Mission Leader led to some great letters and Talks. 

David's Dad - I have an Uncle named HT. He has long passed. He was very tall and just the nicest man you would ever want to meet. All of his children are just the same. Any one of them will go way out of their way to help you. I will always remember him in a very special way. Anytime we were going on vacation my first thought was, I hope we get to see Uncle HT. I see in David my Uncle HT. I am am sure he makes a similar impression on all he comes in contact with. I should add, Happy Birthday, son. I love you very much. 

David's Grandma - Well, there are so many things about David that are so awesome it will be hard to narrow them down. I know he is a great dad, he is incredibly talented, he is a wonderful husband, he is a wonderful Christian, and he is incredibly smart. He has a great personality and I believe he can do anything he sets his mind to. I love you David and I am so very proud of you. Happy Birthday and by the way.... Your card is going to be late, I can't remember to get Jazmine to sign it. :-) 

David's niece, Ashley - One of the things that I love most about David is the way that he makes specific effort to take interest in the lives of the people around him. Even though I don't see David very often, when I do, he always takes time to ask me how things are going and to connect with me on a deep, personal level. I also feel that in talking about how great David is, I should say that his sense of humor rocks my socks. I remember thinking when he first joined the family that he was the funniest guy I had ever met. I still remember him wrapping a quilt around me and swinging me around in Grammy and Grandad's backyard until I thought I would cry, I was laughing so hard. David is one of the most genuine, sincere people I know, and I feel privileged to call him my uncle. 

My dad - I have always admired David for his courage to do the right things regardless. I also admire him for his positive outlook on any situation. He always seems so upbeat. He has a natural love for his fellowman that is unique. I love him because he loves my daughter and appreciates what a marvelous person she is. 

My brother, Erik - I've always loved his willingness to be a great uncle to my boys. 

My mom - I love how David follows the Savior and loves my daughter and their children. He is a good and honest man. We love him. 

Baylie and Jalen listed some of their favorite things about their daddy. (Nobody told them what to say.)

1. Because he does back flips on the diving board.
2. He has the Spirit with him.
3. How he plays with us and pulls pranks and makes us laugh.
4. He jumps on the tramp.
5. He plays a lot.
6. He tries to be funny.
7. Sometimes he goes to the zoo with us.
8. He likes to go on the jungle gym at the zoo.
9. He loves the gospel of Jesus Christ.
10. At Aunt Shanelle's we were playing and the Holy Ghost told him to come play with us and we had a happy ending.
11. He loves Jesus so much.

12. He tries to keep the Spirit in our house.
13. He teaches us to make good choices.
14. He reads us stories and the scriptures.
15. He teaches us primary songs so when we have bad dreams or are scared we can sing them and get bad thoughts out of our head.
16. He loves us.
17. He sings to us.
18. He makes us pizza.
19. He likes to buy things at the store.
20. He takes me to school.
21. He's there for us when we're scared.

Happy Birthday, Honey. I love you! (I would have said Happy Birthday, Lover, but you think that's embarrassing.)

Let's Talk About Race

This blog may ramble a bit, but then that’s how I roll. It’s also LONG.

Until I got to college, I only knew three black people: my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Richardson; a girl in my third grade class, Tara Mitchell (wish I knew where she was now - I can't imagine what her childhood was like being the only black child in a tiny, white community); and a boy in my high school who had been adopted by a white family. I don’t even know his name. When I got to college, I made two more black friends: Stacey Corley and Mohammed Elewonibi, both members of the BYU football team. (My dad was a graduate assistant with the team at the time.) Unfortunately, I’ve lost contact with both of them since then. They would be great role models for my kids. I was fortunate to be raised near Ute and Navajo Indian reservations, so many of my childhood friends/teammates were Native Americans.

Moe and me at my high school 5-year reunion (goofball!). I confess I mostly took him because of his Superbowl ring.

My mom and Moe on his Harley. (Few things are as funny as seeing my mom on a Harley.)

I was raised by parents who despite our lack of exposure to diversity, taught me to judge people by who they were on the inside. I even remember when I was about 12 years old asking my mom what she’d think if I married a black man. (I have no idea where this question came from since I didn’t know any black men at that time.) She replied that God saw all of us as equals, but that when two cultures intermarried, it was usually more complicated than if someone married within their same culture. She had this same discussion with me later years later when I fell in love with a Mexican man who didn’t speak English. 

Yep, he was a hottie.

I think the bulk of my cultural diversity training came when I served an LDS mission in Argentina and later when I lived in Mexico. For the first time, I was immersed in a culture that was not my own. I came to love it like my own. For the first time, I realized what it was to appreciate differences and to realize that we’re not “all the same” and that’s okay.

I worked with these awesome young women in Los Cabos, Mexico. Love them!

The term “white privilege” used to raise the hackles on the back of my neck. I refused to believe that such a thing really existed. If you want to read about white privilege, you can do so HERE. Personally, I think that some of the items in this article are no longer relevant; however, white privilege definitely still exists. If you don’t believe me, take a peek at the hair product section of your local grocery store and notice how small the ethnic section is. (And don’t tell me it’s just a matter of supply and demand. That’s simply not true. I wouldn’t go to Target for Kinky Kurly if it wasn’t the only place I could go to find it.)

Hair Aisle

Ethnic Section - and this is better than many.

If you need further proof, and even if you don’t, I suggest you watch the powerful video below.

Like many other white Utah Mormons (I realize I am stereotyping here), I tended to overcompensate when crossing paths with a black person of my faith, becoming overly friendly in my attempt to show that I wasn’t prejudiced. I didn’t realize that this wasn’t the right approach either. It was still treating someone differently based on their race, and I have since learned it often causes the person receiving the attention to feel uncomfortable.

As a white woman, I often felt – and still feel – like I’m walking on eggshells when talking about race. It’s kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. But once I became the mother of a beautiful little girl with brown skin, I had to dig my head out of the sand and try to navigate these muddy waters. I’ve learned a lot, but I still make mistakes and will continue to do so. Adopting my children didn’t make me an expert on race.

With Baylie starting kindergarten and leaving the cocoon that is our home, I can only hope that I’ve provided her with the tools she needs to be successful and believe in herself. (Okay, I know that sounds dramatic. It’s not like she’s going off to college, but I still feel like she’s out in the cold, cruel world now.) Some transracial families we know of go into their children’s’ classrooms each year and do a presentation on adoption and transracial families. David and I decided we didn’t want to do that. We don’t want Baylie to be singled out in anyway. Instead, we talked to her teacher and let her know that if she notices that Baylie is uncomfortable being asked about adoption or about our family, to let us know so we could address it from there.

Over the past five years, I have heard many people say that I need to talk to my kids often about race and racism, particularly when they start school. I haven’t been sure how to do that. Whenever we go to the library, I make sure that we check out several books with brown children in them, usually including one on slavery or discrimination. I haven’t made a big deal out of this; I’ve just talked about it as we read the books. We’ve tried to make it a normal and natural topic of conversation in our home so that our kids will always feel comfortable talking about it with us. We also had the opportunity to visit the Civil Rights Museum in Greensboro, NC.

Last night for Family Home Evening, we decided to have a talk about race and racism and diversity in general, including disabilities. Our kids are only 5 and 3, so it’s not like it was a deep discussion. We talked about how God loves everyone and so should we. For the first time, we talked about the fact that in their lives, they may come across people who treat them badly because of the color of their skin. We talked about the fact that there may be people who do not think we should be a family. (Baylie’s response: “Oh yes we should because we’ve been sealed in the temple!”) I was really surprised and pleased with Baylie’s responses and her understanding of the discussion. (Jalen was pretty much oblivious, which is fine for now.) We tried to make sure they understood that if someone ever treats them this way, it is not their fault. We tried to make sure they know that if that happens, they should tell us. We talked about the difference between normal teasing and racism. I guess we won’t know how effective it really was until/unless we come across a situation where we face racism or prejudice. It’s a fine line because I want my children to know that racism isn’t okay, but I don’t want them to be offended where no offense is intended. Overall, it was a good discussion and I think a good doorway for future discussions.

I’m still dreading the first time someone calls one of my beautiful children the n-word or the first time someone won’t let my child date their child. I still hold out hope that we have evolved to the point that this will never happen, although I realize that is naïve and unlikely.

And while I don’t like to dish out advice to other parents, I would ask you this – have you ever specifically talked to your kids about race? If not, I would ask you to please do it! It’s like the sex talk - you can skirt around the topic, assuming they’ll figure it out eventually, but if you want to make sure they have a healthy attitude about it, talk to them yourselves. Don’t avoid it or assume they know how you feel. Studies have proven that this approach does not work. Don’t tell them that we are “all the same.” We’re not. Teach them that we’re different, and that it’s okay. If you want a good place to start, read THIS.

Thank you.