Growing up, I only knew two black kids - and one of them was adopted into a white family. Perhaps because of that, I could never understand racism or racial divisions. I couldn't understand why everyone couldn't just forget the past and move on. It seemed like it was the only way to get past slavery and segregation. I was so naive.Not long after I moved to Houston, a man in Jasper, Texas, was chained to the back of a pickup truck and drug to death. It was a brutal killing and all because he was black. And for the first time, I realized that we can't just forget the past.
I look at my little Baylie and wonder what her life would have been like a few years ago. She would have had to drink from separate fountains, use different bathrooms, go to separate schools and I probably couldn't have been her mother.
And what if she'd been born before that? I remember visiting a plantation in South Carolina. On the wall was a framed shopping list. It had the usual items like wheat, cloth, etc. But what caught my eye and gave me a cold chill was "one slave girl." It was listed like just another item on the shopping list. Now I look at my beautiful girl and wonder what if she'd been born at such a time. At what age would she have started working? When would she have been torn from her mother's side? She is such a beautiful thing, would she have been abused? Again, I now realize we can't forget the past.
I worry about the day Baylie runs up against discrimination. The day a boy's parents won't let him ask her out or someone says something toughtless or insensitive. I hope we continue to progress as a nation and become less hateful and prejudiced. But I doubt she will be completely free from these types of experiences.
I realize now I can't teach my daughter to be color blind. It would be wrong to try and do so. But I can teach her to embrace diversity. Not just of color, but of nationality, religion and lifestyle. Doing so has made my life so much more rewarding and rich. I hope it will do the same for her.
I hope Baylie can study her heritage, be proud of her background - biological and adopted. I hope she will learn from the past, but not let it define her, let it be a part of her, but still have the independence of will and spirit to carve out her own unique niche in the world.
5 comments:
What a wonderful, wonderful post, Kristin! You are absolutely right about the paradigm shift.
Fortunately, you can ask God for assistance and protection. You can pray for Baylie, for yourself and your family, and for humanity's challenges with race.
Thanks. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I'll always be grateful for the time I had in Houston because I got to meet so many amazing people from different walks of life. I'm grateful for friends like you and Sania that showed me new perspectives. And I'm especially grateful to God for giving me Baylie and teaching me more about unconditional love.
I don't remember how I found your blog but I've come back to read it a few times.
Your daughter is adorable by the way and I just wanted to share a little of my experience.
My oldest is half black and half white [I'm the white side :)] but is not adopted. Her biological father is not in her life, and I cannot understand what it is like for her to be not white and all that entails. I have always made it a point to celebrate who she is on both sides, but specifically the black side of her since she doesn't get that on a daily basis. I have taken her to Martin Luther King candlelight vigils and from very early on, probably around 2 or 3 years old, I bought a lot of children's books on Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Fredrick Douglas and Ruby Bridges etc. and we read them often. I have made it a point to have a lot of books and stuff around from many cultures and nationalities so she can see that everyone is different and unique and how wonderful that uniqueness is.
She's had children at school make fun of her because her hair is different and it hurts her feelings, but I've told her that unfortunately it's just something that she's going to have to learn how to deal with in her own way. Kids can be cruel, they will find something to make fun of her about , if it’s not her hair it would be something else. (It's really just the boys that make fun of her hair, she's nine, and I told her that just comes with them being boys). She's an amazing kid and doesn't really let much bother her, but I think helping her understand who she is, helping her understnd the past and that some people might not like her just because of her skin color helps her to be prepared in case it does happen.
I would also suggest you learn how to do her hair (if you don't already know how to deal with black or biracial hair), because it is very different and it can make all the difference in the world to a girl going through those horribly awkward years :) My daughter’s father and I were together for years, and so I was a little accustomed to things like hair and culture (I did his hair on occasion) but that really helped me in helping my daughter.
I hope I haven’t overstepped my bounds, and although I’m sure you’ve thought of a lot of this already, I just thought I’d give you some of my insight too.
Thanks so much for your advice. I've also bought Baylie a lot of books with culturally diverse kids in them, particularly black children, but also with kids that have disabilities and from a variety of races. I also bought a lot of kids books about adoptions. I'm hoping that by reading these things to her from the time she's little, it will all just seem natural to her.
I've heard that white hair product won't work on black hair, so I have friends lined up to help me when we get to that stage. Right now her hair is still soft and curly, so it's pretty easy.
Thanks again for commenting!
You need to print this and put it in a book for Baylie.
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