To go private or not??

What do you guys think about going private? I'm wondering if I'm overexposing my child by making this blog accessible to anyone. I'm interested in opinions...

First Mother's Day

Today was a great day. I haven't always "hated" Mother's Day, but I can honestly say that I have "dreaded" it for about 20 years. Well, maybe 18 - ever since I got home from my mission. I love mothers. I think they should be honored. I think it's a great day and I think it's okay to recognize mothers in Church. That being said, as a woman who couldn't become a mother, it was always a very painful day. I understand all the philosophy about all women being mothers and each of us having a vital role to play - I truly believe that, but it doesn't make Mother's Day any less painful for the woman who isn't married or hasn't been able to have children. It's like when a married person gives a talk about marriage and says with a smile, "All righteous women will one day have this gift." It may be doctrinally true, but I always found it very small consolation. I wasn't a mother! Talk around it all you want, but that was the fact.

Today I was a mother. And it was different. My heart went out to women who still don't have this blessing, but I couldn't help but be so grateful for our little girl. In church, the little children got up to sing to their mothers and I sobbed because for the first time, I knew that one day I'll have a little child sing to me on Mother's Day.

P.S. On the flip side of the joy, I have to post this picture even though it will gross my sister-in-law Bethany out. I changed Baylie the other day and she had poop clear up to her neck! How does poop get up the front?? And clear to the neck! You know that I've waited to be a mom too long when I even think this much poop is an awesome thing.

The Adam and Eve Paradox

I have always been puzzled by why Adam and Eve would be given two commandments or guidelines that were mutually exclusive of one another. It has never made sense to me that they would be placed in a situation where in order to obey one commandment, they would be forced to disobey another. However, I am now beginning to understand as we face a similar situation. Obviously, our situation doesn't impact the future of the human race, but it does help me see Adam and Eve's plight in a different light.

We have been given the following counsel by prophets:
1. Stay out of debt
2. Don't put off having a family because of financial concerns
3. Get an education
4. Mothers should stay home with their children

It is impossible for us to do numbers two, three and four without going against number one.

We are unable to have biological children which would be covered by insurance and instead have to spend thousands of dollars to get a baby. Unfortunately, we don't have thousands of dollars laying around and there are no long-lost rich uncles waiting to leave us an inheritance, so loans are the only way for us to get kids. Number two overrules number one.

We have tried to stay out of debt while in school, but that has meant that David goes to school full time and works full time, resulting in 14 hour days and leaving zero time to compose. When you're getting a Masters degree in Composition, this is a problem. If I work more hours, we break number four. We have had to face the fact that school loans are in our future. Numbers three and four overrule number one.

So like Eve, I'm faced with a list of commandments/guidelines that seem to mutually exclude one another and I say, "Were it not for our debt we never should have had children, and never should have received a Masters degree." I just hope we won't end up with a mountain of debt we won't be able to get out from under. I guess we can still try and find that long-lost rich uncle.