A "Real" Mom

The knitted head scarf Baylie is wearing is another item that I wore as a girl. I love that we share these things.

A couple of days ago I was grocery shopping when a nice lady stopped me to ask if my daughter was adopted. I said yes and she mentioned that her daughter was also trying to adopt. Then she looked at Baylie, pointed at me and said “This is your real mom.” I don’t know why, but the statement turned me cold. I wanted to snap at her and say “I’m her only mom.” I didn’t say anything because she really was trying to be nice.

So what’s a “real” mom. Is that like Pinocchio trying to become a “real” boy? I’ve thought a lot about that lately to try and understand why I reacted that way. It’s not that I don’t think about Baylie’s birth mom. I think about her all the time. In fact, I doubt a day has gone by since I first learned about her existence that I haven’t thought about her.

I also think a lot about Baylie and me and our relationship. I often wonder what kinds of questions she’ll have as she gets older. I wonder if she’ll have a hard time because we don’t look alike. I wonder how much she’ll want to know about her birth mom and if she’ll want to meet her. I wonder how I'll help her be comfortable being herself and loving herself for who she is. I know there will be some questions I won't be able to answer. I pray about it all the time. I just want her to be happy and to know that David and I love her so very much.

I felt so protective of Baylie and of our relationship when someone felt the need to define it. No one ever told me that my mom was my “real” mom. She was just my mom. I am Baylie’s mom and she’s my daughter. Enough said.