UPDATE: My mom has informed me that she was actually only gone one day and not even overnight. It must have just seemed like longer. Sorry Mom!
When I was in high school, my mother disappeared for a couple of days. It was a very upsetting and scary time for me. I resented her for it and I felt badly for my dad. It has always been something that bothered me. (She needed a break and went to visit some former roommates in Idaho, but I didn't know that at first.)As I get older, and now as a wife and mother, I understand her better. There are days - like today - when I would love to go away for awhile. Where I wouldn't have to pick up after anyone else, hear whining all day, pay bills, do laundry, cook, work a job I don't like, change the toilet paper roll, look like crap, be tired, feel like nothing I do is ever enough, etc., etc. Just for one day, I'd like to sleep as late as I want, soak in a tub, read a book, watch the ocean and have peace and quiet - all to myself. (Ironic how I didn't appreciate having a life like that while I did have it, I was too busy wanting the life I have now...)
We recently had a women's activity where we earned points based on things we had done so far this year. One of the things was "pamper yourself." I realized that I couldn't even remember the last time I had pampered myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself all together.
But even as I think these things, I feel guilty. There are so many people in this world, particularly women, who do not enjoy the basic human rights, privileges and opportunities that I do. I live in a dry, clean, safe home. I have food on my table and clothes on my back and more than one pair of shoes. My husband does not abuse me or cheat on me - he has brought me flowers every month for at least three years for Pete's sake! My daughter is breath-takingly beautiful and sweet. Yesterday she took her first steps, and I got to be here and see it. I have a truly blessed life.
A leader in our church once made the statement that we need to stop soaking in the hot tub of self pity. That really struck a chord with me, probably because from time to time I take a good long soak in that personal jacuzzi. I guess I just need to get out before my fingers wrinkle up like prunes.
7 comments:
I totally understand!! I think it is so healthy for us as moms to take a break and destress :)
Maybe one of these GNO we should turn into a GON (Girls Overnight) My parents have a cabin near fairview and a condo in St. George so if we can all swing it we can go just for the night :)
Thinking about you :)
I have totally felt the same way this week too! Must be the weather! haha j/k I'm glad you write your feelings! I love reading your blog!
Here's the thing. THIS is real life. And unfortunatly sometimes the expectations that we put on our selves are so far ridiculous that inspite of having great and blessed lives, we still get overwhelmed and we all need little breaks from time to time, so that we don't just up and leave our family in an act of desperation or worse... Honestly it is so great of you to write things like this because there are people like me out here that think we are the only ones who can't handle the everyday mommy-hood and everyone else is busy being great moms who don't need breaks, while I am at home losing my mind!:) Anyhow, (as always here I am Miss longwinded) I really hope you are doing better and I really hope you find some time to take a bath, paint your toe nails, and take a breath of two:) I think you deserve it!
I feel guilty when I feel like that because for some reason I think that since I longed for Liam for so long that I shouldn't have any negative feelings at all. But the fact is that being a parent is hard, tiring, continuous work. It's a good think they are so adorable and so worth it! Thanks for sharing! I'm all for Candice's idea of an overnight! ;)
I definatly can't write on the subject of having kids and feeling overwhelmed...but I know life can get that way where you feel like your stagnant and nothing will ever change or get better..but all of a sudden your kids are all grown up and years have come and gone and youve got whiplash wondering how it all went by so fast. At least that's how my mom says she feels about her life with us kids. We gave her such a hard time and now she wishes with all her heart that we were young again.
Her visit this past week put it all in perspective for me and helped me realize especially from this whole accident thingy that life is short and even though circumstances may not be the best...there is always joy to be found in it if you search. I'm so glad your cute little family moved into this ward I personally think I am prejudiced and think you are absolutely perfect but that may just be cause your my friend, but I could never thank you enough for visiting me the other day with Baylie it meant the world to me to have an adult conversation with someone in person. I luv ya girl!!
I know what you mean. Some times I just want to sleep in or have a vaccation. I think every mom knows just what you mean, and to some extent just how you feel. Don't feel badly about it. Rest easy knowing it is normal.
I would have struggled if my mom disappeared randomly with out explaining herself too. I'm glad that you now understand a little bit more of why it happened.
Try and make time for yourself every day and pamper yourself even if its in small ways. Feeling overwhelmed does not make you ungrateful. We are very blessed, but the every day can be harder than others. Its great that you recognize your emotions, I think that is very healthy. When I am feeling overwhelmed about house work and other things, some times I will let those things wait and try to remember that my babies will only be where they are developmentally, physically, etc, today. Some times that's how I pamper myself- I let the dishes wait and take a nap instead. :)
I remember that time as well. I also remember when Mom came home and we all ate ice-cream together. It was late. I think I was pulled out of bed for it. The solution to the hot tub of self pity for me is Target. Even if it is for 1/2 hour when Dave gets home. It does wonders for my soul.
Post a Comment