The One That Got Away

Baylie's feet

I had a miscarriage when David and I were first married. I was only eight weeks pregnant. (And I think we had only been married nine.) To date it is the hardest thing I've ever been through - physically or emotionally. My sister and two of my sisters-in-law were pregnant at the same time. We were all due within five weeks of each other. It was hard to watch them progress through their pregnancies after I was no longer pregnant.

It is not something I think about often. I know some women continue mourning their infertility even after they adopt, but that has not been the case with me. Once we adopted Baylie, I lost any desire to have a biological child. I don't mourn the fact that I never gave birth.

However, from time to time there is a milestone that brings the memory of this lost child to my mind. Today my niece, Molly, turned 12. In the next couple of weeks, my nephews Kolton and Cameron will follow. It's hard to believe they have grown up so fast. It's even harder to realize that had our baby lived he/she would be 12 as well. This is a milestone birthday in our religion. At 12, a young man receives the priesthood and a young woman leaves the Primary and joins the Young Women.

It doesn't make me sad to think about this. But it does cause me to reflect on what might have been.