Still Talking About Racism

This is something I shared on social media today.

Sorry – this is long. It’s hard to write. But I have to get it out.

I’ve resisted writing about the murder of George Floyd and the rioting that has followed. I try to avoid controversy on my Facebook page. But as the white mother of black children, I think it would be irresponsible to stay silent. I am not an expert on racism. I am just a mom. But I think that when those of us with white privilege (and yes, it is a real thing whether you want to believe it or not) stay silent, we are contributing to the problem.

Adopting black children did not make me an expert on race. It did not remove my biases. We all have them. We have biases against different races, cultures, religions, sexual orientations, and/or economic status. They are a result of the way we were raised and the experiences we have had. People of all races have them. Being biased is not the same as being racist. What we all have to do is examine ourselves, identify our biases, and work through them. This isn’t something that just happens. It’s something that we have to conscientiously do. Thinking that the race problem in our country will solve itself over time is naïve. History has shown that won’t happen.

Adopting black children did open my eyes to the reality of racism and prejudice in our country. I have encountered both black and white people that don’t think a family like ours should exist, but those experiences have been few and very far between. I wonder if my children’s experiences will drastically change once they are not under the protection of white parents. I hope not, but I don’t know. I worry that I’m not preparing them for the future that awaits them. I don’t want them to look for racism, but I want them to recognize it when they see it.

I truly believe that most of us – black and white – are working toward better relations. I believe most of us are supportive of protestors and angry about a man being murdered over $20 by those sworn to protect him. I believe that the rioters have a different agenda. I believe that the white man who walks into the middle of a protest in a MAGA hat and yelling racist slurs also has a different agenda. Neither group represents the majority of us, but they very effectively polarize us.

I have had people ask what they can do. I’m not an expert, but let me ask some questions.

White people: Do you have black friends? Do they come over to your house? Do your kids have black friends? I’m not talking about kids in their school class or on their ball team. I’m talking about kids that come over to your house or homes where your kids go to play. Do you try to surround yourself and your children with diversity? Do your children have black role models in your community? I have to admit that I still need to do better in this area. It is the main reason my husband and I have decided to stay in South Carolina even though we don’t have family here.

Black people: Do you have white friends? Do they come over to your house? Do your kids have white friends? Do they play at each other’s houses? Are you a safe person for a white person to talk to about race? White people have few places to talk about race and try to come to an understanding. We live in fear of offending someone or saying the wrong thing. It’s hard to learn that way. (Even using the words white or black stresses me out because I'm never sure what words are politically correct to use.)

I am just one woman. I cannot change the world. But I can impact my family, my school, and hopefully have a positive effect on my relationships. I can teach my children to appreciate the differences around them. I can teach them to be proud of who they are and tolerant of those who are not like them. Unfortunately, I also have to teach them how to be safe and how to protect themselves. We had a talk just last night on where to draw the line between standing up for yourself and not putting yourself in harm’s way. That is a very different line for me as a white woman and my son as a future black man. There are no easy answers to that question.

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even know if I have any answers. I know what is happening is not right. I know that no man should lose his life over $20. I know that the response to murder should not be looting innocent small business owners. I know it’s not right to take our anger out on all cops because of the rotten apples that have tarnished the reputation of the rest. I know that my heart is heavy. I know that I love my children and I want everyone else to love them too. I want to shield them from the ugliness that is out there, but I know I won’t be able to do that forever.

I hope that we will continue to stand up in the face of the ugliness that is racism and injustice so that the world is a better place by the time they have to go out into it.

Wrapping Up the School Year

I think we're all ready for this school year to be over. We always feel that way at this time of year, but particularly this year when things have been so weird for so long. 

We've tried to go on at least one outing a week. Last Friday we headed back to the zoo. It's been closed for several months and we have really missed it. We think the animals missed us too.

The weather was pretty bad and some animals weren't out because they had to put them away for safety. But it was good just to be outside. (We've had lots of rain.)

We decided to go for a scenic drive and headed out towards Chapin. On the way, David rescued a turtle.

We came across this little trail on the side of the road and decided to explore it. It was a nice little walk.

I think these were wild raspberries, but we didn't dare find out.

It was a beautiful day.

Last week hair salons finally opened again and I was able to get Baylie an appointment for this Tuesday. 

 We like to do extensions for the summer. It's so nice to have somebody else do it besides me!

On Friday, we went with the Alsups to get the girls' stuff from the middle school. We love their principal and are so sad that she is moving to a different school next year.

Baylie was recognized for her service as a student ambassador and also received an award from her math/science teacher for being the outstanding 6th grade student. We are so proud of her!

We later found out that she was also chosen as the outstanding student by her drama teacher! They just forgot to give us the award. She loves her drama teacher.

Friday night, we had the Alsup girls over for about 10 hours of play time. It was so good for all the kids to have some time together. It is really hard on kids to be isolated. Baylie especially needs time with friends.

I love watching these sweet friendships.

Today marked 10 months since I started Optavia. I have lost 71 pounds and it has been amazing.

Life is pretty good at the Batchelor Pad.

On Motherhood

I am so grateful to be a mother. For much of my life, I thought this desire would be withheld from me. I prayed and cried and gave myself shots and each month my hopes were dashed. Over and over again. I was almost 40 years old before this blessing was finally given to me. After adopting, many women still mourn the fact that they can't have a biological child. That was never my experience. Once we adopted Baylie, the hole in my heart was filled and I never regretted not having a biological child. Two years later, Jalen was added to our family and I knew our family was complete. I have never needed anything more than them. I know God gave me the children I was meant to have. I hope I can be the mother they need to have.

This Mother's Day was sweet. The kids and David each made me a card and they each added a page to an activity book for me. Baylie made me a word search. Jalen drew a picture and I had to draw one like it. And David did a color by number. They worked really hard on it. I also got some good smelling hand lotion. They also made me a bouquet of Optavia bars.  

Before adopting Baylie, I hated Mother's Day. They would pass out a flower to the mothers and invite all women to stand up. I didn't like standing up. I would often slip out of the chapel or skip church all together. This flower is from the first Sunday where I was actually a mother - 12 years ago. I keep it to remind me of how grateful I am to finally be a mother and to also remind me of those women for whom Mother's Day is painful.

I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father for letting me be a mother. And I am grateful for the birth mothers of my children for sharing their babies with me. It is a gift I try to never take for granted.

We Walk with Ahmaud

On February 23, 2020, a young man, Ahmaud Arbery, was jogging in a neighborhood in Georgia. A father and son decided he looked like a robbery suspect so they jumped in their truck and chased him down. They confronted him as he was jogging and in a scuffle the young man was shot and killed. And if that wasn't bad enough, due to what appears to be local corruption, his killers weren't even arrested for almost three months. It took a video of the incident and public outcry before that happened. 

Yesterday would have been his 26th birthday. In his honor, people were encouraged to run 2.23 miles, remembering the day he was killed. They were encouraged to post pictures with the hashtag #irunwithmaud

David and I sat down with our kids and told them what had happened. We talked about racism - something we had talked about before, but this time we talked to them about how to respond if confronted. We talked about putting your hands in the air or on the dashboard. We talked about not being argumentative or confrontational. We had conversations that my parents never had to have with me - because I'm white.

Then we decided to walk for Ahmaud as a family. We went to the Edisto Memorial Gardens in Orangeburg. We had never been there and I had always wanted to check it out. The roses were beautiful.

 The area surrounding the roses was also beautiful. It was a lovely park with a boardwalk by the Edisto River.

The kids had never seen a functioning water wheel.

As we were leaving, Jalen was super excited to see this cool antique car.

Overall, it was a beautiful day. I hate that my children live in a world with racism, but I have great faith that their generation can make a difference.