Westward Ho

Growing up, I often heard the term "back East" in reference to the East Coast. Since moving to South Carolina, I often hear the term "out West," which always sounds funny to me. It brings up visions of pioneers and covered wagons. Last week, Baylie and I went out West for a girls' trip to meet up with all the women on my side of the family.

As mentioned in my earlier post, we had a little trouble getting to Las Vegas. I neglected to mention that since we carried Baylie to the car at 3:00 in the morning, we forgot to grab her shoes. I had some Sunday shoes packed in her bag, but they were hurting her feet. I ended up buying her a $10 pair of flip flops in the Houston airport. The design on them was peeling off before we even got to San Francisco. Such a bummer.

Once we got to Vegas, the fun started. Baylie always tells people she wants her dad to get a job in Las Vegas. People always look at me funny when she says that, but they don't realize it's because her twin cousins Lauryn and Clara live there. Baylie LOVES her cousins. She is so happy whenever she is with them.

Mostly they swam, but we also went to the shark reef where the girls petted sting rays (and Lauryn almost fell in),

hiked Red Rock - initially with great enthusiasm shortly followed by extreme exhaustion. (It was hot, but these girls are pretty dramatic.)

I got a "new look," which I love.

On Wednesday we headed to St. George to meet up with everyone else. We stayed at a great little condo just north of St. George. (Initially my sister-in-law gave us the wrong number and my sister marched in on some guy and his baby. Whoops!)

We all went to the Pizza Factory for dinner. Yum! (The Pizza Factory in Lindon is where my brother Scott met his wife Beth, so we have sentimental feelings for the place as well.) We had me, my mom, my sister Tiffani, my three sisters-in-law - Dianne, Shanelle and Bethany - and eight little cousins (well, five little, one so-so, one teenager and one married). So much fun!

The enormous bread sticks were a huge hit.

That night we went to see The Little Mermaid at the Tuachahn Amphitheater, which was the main reason we planned the trip. It's is a great venue.

All of us.

 Our little mermaids.

And their mothers.

Waiting for the show. These girls are all within a year of each other and it's so fun watching them together.

Once the show started, the girls were on the edge of their seats. It was really a great show. They were able to have a curtain of water right on the stage. The acting, singing and special effects were fantastic. It was so fun to be there with all the girls in my family.

The next morning, the girls just wanted to swim. They spent hours in the pool and hot tub.

The pool had a waterfall feature with a shelf behind it so the girls could really play mermaid.

How many mermaids can fit in a shower? At least four!

Swimming was followed by a shopping spree.

These girls really hit the town.

They did some serious damage in Old Navy. I'm sure they were relieved to see us walk out.

We were sad to bid farewell to a big chunk of the family as Di and her girls headed home and Baylie and I headed for the airport. (The St. George temple is where my parents got married.)

But first we made a quick stop at Swig for snow cones and smoothies. Delish!

Baylie and I flew home right from St. George - a small, but nice airport. We flew from there to Denver to Washington D.C. without any problems. Unfortunately, when we got to D.C., we discovered there had been storms in the south and our previously open flight was now overbooked. More on that in a minute.

While we were gone, Jalen and David had fun at home. Jalen was entertained by his best friend Ian and his brother Josh. They went to Monkey Joes.

And they also got ice cream.

David and Jalen went hiking at the state park near our house.

And Jalen also navigated them through the zoo.

Most surprising of all, David got rid of our old blue sectional and got a new couch from some friends that were moving. The blue couch had belonged to my sister and her husband before us and it was pretty beat up, but I loved that couch! I like the new couch and it looks better in our living room, but I really miss the old one. David was smart to make the switch while I was gone.

Unfortunately, while moving in the couch, he put a nice gash in the wall. He has since repaired it, but Home Depot's paint matching leaves a great deal to be desired.

And back to me and Baylie, flights were delayed, rerouted, cancelled, etc. It was obvious we were going to be stuck. I finally found a flight to Savannah, Georgia, that we could take. Savannah is 2 1/2 hours from Columbia and only an hour flight. David had to wait and be sure we were on before leaving to pick us up. We had to wait for him for about an hour once we got to Savannah.

I love the airports in the Carolinas and this one in Savannah. They are so charming. You can see from the clock that it was 3:20 a.m. at the time of the picture. David got there at about 4:00 a.m.

Baylie just slept on the floor and waited. We had been traveling about 13 hours.

Once David picked us up, we stopped at a rest stop for a couple of hours because we were all too tired to risk driving. We got home at about 9:00 a.m. - making it about 19 1/2 hours total travel time.

It was a fantastic trip, despite the marathon journeys. I love spending time with my family.

Doubly Blessed

Today is Father's Day. It is also David's and my 12th anniversary. Rather than write something new, I thought I'd share previous posts that express my feelings about both of these occasions.

Father's Day

Anniversary

Creeped Out at the Airport

Baylie and I spent the previous three days trying to get from Columbia to Las Vegas. We finally made it yesterday. We left Columbia at 3:00 a.m., drove to Charlotte, caught a flight to Houston, then a flight to San Francisco, got bumped several times and finally made it to Vegas at about 11:00 p.m. last night (2:00 a.m. Columbia time, which means 23 hours traveling!). It was an adventure. Thank goodness Baylie is a trooper.

The trip had lots of ups and downs, but something happened at the San Francisco airport that really creeped me out. We were waiting for yet another flight when I realized that a man was holding his iPad pointed at us as if he were taking our photo. I looked at him and so he turned and stopped. Later I realized that he had started filming two little girls. The girls were playing with each other and were in loose fitting sun dresses. I made a comment out loud, but not really loudly, that I thought it was weird that someone would film children like that without their parents' knowledge, but I'm not sure he spoke English or heard me. I just got a weird feeling about it until I finally had to get up and go tell the mother what was happening. She was surprised, thanked me and then started to watch him. She then got up and went and stood between him and her children with her back to him. He moved closer to the girls and kept watching them, but stopped filming. She ended up going and getting her husband and asking him to stand by the girls. When the husband got there, the man moved away. The whole thing just felt creepy and odd. It lasted for several minutes.

I kept my eye on him and he would still periodically watch Baylie, but mostly the other girls. He kept his distance after that, however. Had he tried to film Baylie again, I would have confronted him. I am bothered to know that he might have pictures of her. I'm glad that she was dressed very modestly.

There was nothing illegal about his actions, but they were strange and made me very uncomfortable. I had read Jaycee Dugard's book about her kidnapping and one of the things she mentioned is that her kidnapper would go to parks and have a hidden camera that he used to film little girls who were playing. Child pornographers use these types of photos on their websites. This experience made me think of that. He could have been completely innocent, but his behavior was just weird.

So I'm curious what other people would have done. Would you confront someone in a situation like this? Do you think I was overly paranoid? Do we have any control if someone takes a picture of our child and uses it inappropriately? I have caught people taking pictures of Baylie before, but it never upset me like this experience did.

Blogging's in Our Blood

Tribute to a Primary Teacher

The below is taken from some remarks that my best childhood friend and I put together to remember a beloved Primary teacher. It's written in first person because it started as just my memories and I don't distinguish where Kate added her thoughts.

Back in the days when Primary classes all had different names, I belonged to a class of 10-year-old Merry Miss A girls that were more than a handful. We were so difficult, in fact, nobody wanted to teach us.

We lived in a small town in Southern Utah where most of the people we knew were related to us in one way or another. Three of us were second cousins. Perhaps that’s why they called June Morrell to be our teacher. She was from California and probably didn’t know what she was getting herself into. She must have been in her late 50’s when she became our teacher.

Sister Morrell, June, was different. She drank Coke. Her husband wasn’t a member of the Church. She was strict with us. But most of all, she loved us. She even seemed to like us. Something about this combination clicked with us girls and we responded to her. She was so successful as our teacher, that when we moved up to Merry Miss B, they asked her to move up with us.

She taught us many things in our two years of weekly meetings with her, including the basic principles of the gospel along with the Articles of Faith, how to crochet and embroider, and formal etiquette. To this day, I never set a formal table without thinking of June, because she taught us where to put the napkin, forks, spoons, and knife.

We had awesome Daddy/Daughter Dates under her direction, and fabulous Mother/Daughter luncheons. When we graduated from Primary, the connection with Sister Morrell did not end. We were still her girls and she always kept an interest in us. However, she insisted, much to our parents disliking, that we call her June instead of Sister Morrell, and we eventually came to know her as just June.

June told us in Primary that she would be at every one of our temple weddings. Not every one of us married in the temple, but as far as I know she was there for every wedding. Kristin married a little later, when we were in our thirties, and when the announcement came to June without an invitation to the ceremony, June took matters into her own hands, and before long she was invited to the sealing. I had the privilege of driving her to Manti to attend that sealing. (In my own defense, I didn't think she would want to come that far to go. She was in her 70's by then.)

She never went back on her word, which was another lesson she taught me. June taught us many things, but the greatest lesson she taught me came after I left her class. I don’t think she had ever tied a quilt before, but when we graduated from high school, she tied each of us a quilt. She had us over to her house for an ice-cream party just like we did in the old days and presented us each with a beautiful “star quilt” which I still use today.

But most amazing of all, for the past 36 years, every birthday or Christmas, I got a card from June. There was seldom a message, just a simple signature “June.” I should have known something was wrong when I didn’t get a birthday card a couple of weeks ago, because regardless of where I have lived: Utah, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, South Carolina, Texas, Mexico or Argentina, June has always managed to get me a card for Christmas and my birthday. June passed away last week. She was almost 94 years old.

June held many church callings throughout her life, some more prominent than others. But for me, there was no calling more important than that of a loving teacher to a group of difficult little girls.

Twinkle Toes

This weekend is the annual father/son's campout. Traditionally, Baylie and I do at-home pedicures while the guys are away. This year, I decided to surprise her and do a real pedicure. One of my girlfriends gave me a gift certificate for a pedicure for my birthday, so it made it affordable.

Baylie was really excited, but a little overwhelmed by the massage chair. I think she was also a little freaked out by having a stranger touch her feet.

The lady in the background is not me.

She chose purple polish with purple sparkles.

Then she had to wait FOREVER while I got my feet done.

I chose pink with pink sparkles. This is a switch for us since she's usually pink and I'm usually purple.

Now we, with our beautiful toes, are going to have popcorn for dinner. Our favorite.

Misunderstanding Adoption

David and I were watching a program (The 4400) where a woman who had been abducted came back years later. Her daughter was now a pre-teen and the father had told the girl that her mother had died. He had remarried. The girl was living happily with her father and stepmother. The biological mother wanted to see her daughter, but respected her former husband's wishes to not contact her daughter because of how difficult it would be for the girl. David asked me what I would do if I were the mother. I told him if my daughter were in a safe place and were happy, I would leave her there. I would want her to know I was alive, but I would not try and retake my place as her mother. It would break my heart, but I would rather do that than disrupt her life.

Lately I have been drawn by the story of a 9-year-old girl, Sonya, who was taken from her adoptive family and given back to her ex-con father who was released from prison. The ins and outs of the story are complicated. If you would like the details, you can go to either side's facebook page:

Bring Sonya Home - 19,158 likes

Sonya is Home - 649 likes

I'm inclined to side with the adoptive parents for various reasons, but I won't hesitate to admit that I don't know everything about the case and things are often not what they seem. The thing that really kills me about this and similar stories are the horrible things people say about adoptive couples. 

Below are some quotes I have taken directly from facebook and other comment sites. I have copied and pasted with no corrections. The only thing I have done is to add italics.

"More than 90 percent of adopted adults want to search and reunite with biological family. Read some of our stories, and you will clearly see how we feel about being given away or stolen by strangers. Biology is real. Biological connections are real. DNA cannot be severed no matter how much adoptive families try to separate biological ties in the name of 'adoption'. We are NOT your children if you adopt us. When you adopt, you have SOMEONE ELSES child. You cannot and do not own us."

Our biological parents do not give us new names on new ownership (adoption) papers. With our biological families, we are free to be the people we are born to be...... we do not have to fill a role in your lives and 'complete' you.

When you relegate our REAL mothers and fathers as 'sperm and egg donors' you remove the humanity from life and creation. Adoptees are not products you purchase, order, swap and sell...... we are HUMAN beings and each and every one of us is a miracle born into a family. Stop separating families and messing with God and nature. If you cannot have children, there are so many ways you can help a child in genuine need to have a better life.

...it is confirmed by all the research on the adoptees, that they always long for their real families, and if there were real families to take care of them they would want to be reunited a.s.a.p. 

I understand that you feel pain for your niece's inability to have a child of her own, but stealing a child of another human being is NEVER the answer.

The biology IS always the first consideration and it is a right guaranteed to parents and children by the Constitution. 

Perhaps you don't; realize there is an infertility epidemic in the US , disproportionately affecting those with higher incomes. Infertility is strongly correlated with age and access to technology, so those who wait to have kids , especially around high tech jobs,, are more at risk. But the answer is not to take the children of the poor. The answer must be social justice for the poor and free mental health for the infertile people. it must be very hard, but if they don't want to adopt older children from foster care, i.e. those really in need, they have to learn to cope. Pressuring thousands of women yearly to give up parental rights to their newborns telling them they are unworthy is not a moral solution. 

To celebrate a family's loss of a child, a child's loss of family relationships, heritage, culture and identity, the separation of an infant and mother at the most critical time of life, which relegates all of them to a lifetime of unnecessary pain and sorrow, in order to peddle jewelry is the epitome of the disgusting, crass commercialism to which this society has sunk. Babies belong with their mothers and fathers, if not with their mothers OR fathers, if not with grandparents or extended family. By promoting the adoption frenzy is to feed into the multi-billion-dollar, unregulated legalized baby trafficking industry that treats human infants as nothing more than commercial products to be bought and sold. The National Council For Adoption Sucks

Quotes like this are easy to find. They are not isolated opinions.

Like so many things in life, it is impossible to know what it is like to adopt a child without having actually experienced it yourself. So many people think that as soon as a biological parent pops into the picture, an adoptive parent should step aside. It is not that simple. 

I love my children. I am the only mother they have ever known. If someone should suddenly step up and try to take one of my children, I would not care what DNA or blood they may share. I would FIGHT for my children. That does not make me a kidnapper. That does not make me selfish. I am the one that snuggles with Jalen when he takes his nap. I am the one that listens to Baylie read every day. I am the one that lets them both crawl into bed with me, even when that means I don't get a good night's sleep. More importantly, I am the one they want when they cry for Mommy.

I know that every case is not cut and dried. I know there are two sides to every story. But to suggest that adoptive parents are wealthy baby snatchers trying to fulfill a need they cannot biologically feel is to denegrate the loving relationship that exists within adoptive families.