Renaissance Man

I just have to write a tribute blog to my awesome husband. We received his grades today and he did great. It makes going into debt with school loans worth it. That plus the fact that he got the spring back in his step.

Here are some of the things I love most about David.

* He buys me flowers every month even though we can't afford it and even if it means he's running to Wal Mart at 11:30 on the 31st of the month.

* After I lost the first 40 pounds, he said that I looked great and he was glad I was getting healthy, but he never noticed that I had gained weight. (How could I not love him?!)

* His awesome dance moves (many picked up from Napoleon Dynamite and Hitch).

* He writes me beautiful poetry that makes me cry.

* He's a true Renaissance Man - poet, singer, composer, sculptur, ceramicker, artist, etc.

* He rubs my feet and brushes my hair (prerequisites to my accepting his proposal of marriage).

* He's almost always happy and doesn't say bad things about anyone.

* He's a total goofball.

* He says things like "fixin'" and "ya'all."

* He stays up late with his psychotic wife even though he'd much rather go to sleep.

* He plays with my nephews because he wants to, not because he has to.

* He loves Baylie and is always quick to help with feeding, changing, bathing, playing with or jamming at the keyboard with her.

I could go on, but I guess that's enough for now. We went sledding this weekend and I was shocked to learn that it was his first time ever (not a lot of sledding going on in Houston). So here's a video of him sledding down some icy stairs. I think David had more fun than the kids.

Baby's Got a Passport

We finally got Baylie's birth certificate, so then we could get her social security card and now finally her passport! Now we just need to go somewhere.

Her passport photo is so darn cute.

The Cookie Crumbles

Here is a peek at David's first movie creation. He also did all the special effects.

Nativities

I love Christmas. One of my favorite parts is the family nativity. From the time I was a little girl, we have acted out the nativity. It was fun when we were little, but by the time I was 30 and still playing the virgin Mary, it was getting a little old. 

Now we have a new generation and the nativity is so much fun again. Plus the costumes have really improved. We just used bathrobes and towels on the head when I was little, but my sisters in law have made costumes that are great. Baylie was the Baby Jesus this year. (Check out the photo above. She is almost as big as Joseph and Mary.) I guess that's okay since one year my little brother Scott played Mary (I think he was three years old at the time.)

David is always the donkey and the kids love riding him. We also had a bunny this year.

Although it looks like we had an Arab, she was actually the angel (not sure why the angel is riding the donkey). And the little boy in the black robe informed us "I'm the we three kings."

There's nothing better than being around family for the holidays. We missed my sister Tiffani and her kids, but they'll be doing a neighborhood nativity and then joining us later. 

I have to throw in this bonus picture of Baylie at our journey to Bethlehem church party. She's so dang cute!

Brittany Andersen Photography Give Away

One of the sisters I visit teach is an amazing photographer. She is having a contest for a free giveaway of a photo session, but you have to enter by the end of the day today - Friday, December 19.

Go here to learn more http://brittanyandersenphotography.blogspot.com/2008/12/big-news.html.

What to Say and Do

In response to Karen's request, I thought I'd list some of the things that it's good to say or do. Again, I don't pretend to speak for all infertile women, but I think some of these are fairly universal. I'm writing from the first person again just for the sake of delivery.

In my case, I never resented another person's pregnancy provided they were prepared and happy about becoming a mother. I did have a hard time with teenage pregnancies, babies thrown in dumpsters and stories of child abuse.

10. Rather than asking "So, when are you going to have a kid?" or "Why haven't you started a family yet? You shouldn't put it off." ask more general questions like "How are you?" "How is everything going?" If I know you well enough, I'll tell you how I feel about my infertility. I'll bring it up.

9. Go ahead and give me the name and phone number of a friend you have who is suffering from infertility. I like to meet other women who know what I'm going through. Just don't tell me that I "have" to see their doctor or try their treatment.

8. Invite me to hold your children. Somedays I will welcome it and other days it will be hard, but usually I will love the opportunity to cuddle a baby. This may be my only opportunity to play a mom-type role. I have a nephew who would call me "the other mommy." That would almost bring me to tears and I love that little boy so much for calling me that. Because I'm "fluffy" I could often get a little child to sleep when his or her mother couldn't. Those moments made me feel successful in motherhood even though I couldn't have a baby of my own.

7. Invite me to babysit or invite me to your Family Home Evenings. Invite me to birthday parties or other family outings. I like feeling part of a family. I like creating bonds with your children. If I'm not up to it, I'll say no, but please don't hesitate to invite me because you think I'll be uncomfortable.

6. If you see things you admire about me, please tell me. I often feel like I have little or no worth since I'm not able to fulfill my role as a mother. If you point out other things I do well or other qualities I have, it helps me see my self worth. Don't leave out mother-like qualities you may notice in me. I like to hear that I have potential to be a good mother.

5. Don't exclude me from situations that may be uncomfortable. Invite me to baby showers. I may not go, and please understand if I don't, but I still like to be invited. Sometimes I will feel up to it, but other times it may be too hard for me to go. Once in a while I may even want to go to a play group just for the socialization.

4. In Church situations, even though I'm not a mother, I still like to be invited to talk or give lessons on families. If you are teaching a lesson, you don't need to avoid the subject of families because I am present. Just keep in mind that not everyone in the room may be part of a traditional family. If you seek the spirit, you will be guided in how to include people like me or from other non-traditional situations without singling us out and making us feel uncomfortable.

3. Think of me on days that might be hard. One Mother's Day, I was surprised to receive a card from a friend who thanked me for the way I was a mother to her children. That meant so much to me. One because of her compliment, but especially because she had thought of me and realized that it might be a hard day for me.

2. If I open up to you, please just listen. Like is the case so often with women, I don't want you to solve my problem, I just need someone to talk to. I'm talking to you because I trust and respect you.

1. First and foremost, just be my friend. Love me for who I am, even with all my flaws and shortcomings.

We all say hurtful things at one time or another about a wide variety of topics. But if we have a strong foundation of friendship, these things won't be a big deal and don't have to affect our relationship.

What NOT to Say

I have recently met some women who are struggling with infertility. I hurt for them. It reminds me of some of the feelings and difficulties I've had in the past. I have to confess that I haven’t felt “infertile” ever since we adopted Baylie, but I still remember some of the thoughtless things people said to me when I was struggling with my infertility. So, I thought I would list my top 10 things you should never say to an infertile woman. I do not pretend to speak for all infertile women, but these are all things that were actually said to me, believe it or not, even #1.

10. Don’t share the success stories of other people you know. Hearing that other people are successful while I still feel like a failure just increases feelings of lonliness, unworthiness and frustration. Even if the other person was infertile too, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by advice. I love sharing stories and feelings with close friends who are going through what I am, but I don’t like hearing from people I barely know or don’t know at all. For a funny point of view on this, you can read my poem from an earlier post.

9. “You just need to relax” or “just go on a vacation or get away together.” First of all, it’s pretty much impossible to “relax” about infertility and secondly, it makes me feel like it is something I should be able to control or fix. Just because someone you know got pregnant while on a cruise, doesn’t mean that if I do the same, my eggs will magically become viable.

8. “You could always adopt. There are lots of babies in China.” Adoption is not a consolation prize for not being able to have a biological child. Adoption is a serious undertaking that brings it’s own list of concerns, considerations, emotions and prayer. No one should adopt just because they can’t have a biological child and feel pressured to raise a family. It is a very personal decision that shouldn’t be made overnight. It’s a complex issue in regards to sex, race, culture, economics and the emotional ability to love an adopted child the same you would a biological child. Couples need to be honest with themselves when making this decision and outside pressure only makes this harder. I was scared to death to adopt and am so grateful, and frankly relieved, that God sent us Baylie because I have found it so easy to love her.

7. “I know how you must feel.” No one knows how I feel. Not even another infertile person knows exactly how I feel, although they certainly have a better idea than someone who has been able to have children. Even my husband can’t understand what it is like for me to be infertile. My pain is very personal.

6. “The Lord only blessed us with seven children. We wanted more, but I guess the Lord knows what’s best.” Sorry, but you only being blessed with seven children, or one, is not the same as my not being able to have a single biological child. Please don’t pretend you understand. (I had to laugh at this one because I was so shocked that the woman truly thought she could understand how I felt.)

5. “You’re so lucky…” whatever follows this statement is not appreciated and just undermines the pain of being infertile (i.e. because you don’t have to change diapers, you don’t have a crying baby, you don’t have to go through pregnancy or the pain of labor). Although there have been Sundays where I would hear screaming children and be grateful that I didn’t have to deal with them, most days I would have gladly traded places with the frazzled mother.

4. “Don’t worry. It will happen in the Lord’s time.” I can’t help but worry. I’m not getting any younger. I’m dealing with very personal issues regarding the “Lord’s time” and sometimes they stretch my testimony to the limit. Believe me, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the Lord’s time. And for many of us, the Lord’s answer will be that we won’t have biological children. Being patient isn’t going to change that. I’m dealing with this the best way I know how.

3. Don’t complain about how sick and tired you are because you’re pregnant. I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re lucky. Hearing you complain about being pregnant tears me apart.

2. “It’s just a matter of faith. You need to have more faith.” (This one was said in Spanish, but I’ve translated it here.) I recognize that it’s a journey of faith, but it’s my journey and I’m doing the best I can to walk it. Please don’t suggest that I lack faith or that if I had faith I could get pregnant. Trust me, I feel enough guilt wondering if I lack faith or if I have done something wrong to deserve this. Sometimes it’s just biological.

1. “You should douche with 7-Up.” No further comment needed on this one.

Actually my favorite advice came from my cousin’s little boy when he was only about three years old. He told his uncle that he just needed to do “more of that sexy thing.” From the mouth of babes…

I Am the Champion

Every year my family has a football poll. My dad picks several college and pro games each week and then we all pick our games. At the end of the season, the person with the most wins gets a BYU football helmet and we put our name on it. I'm proud to say I have won it two of the past three years. Between my sister and I, we have won it four of the past five years. Go girls!!

It's funny because growing up my friends would say that since I'm such a football fan, I'd probably marry a guy who didn't even care about football. That's pretty much what's happened. David will watch a game with me, but he'd rather do just about anything else. I think Baylie has already been to more games than her dad. David doesn't participate in the picks.

Now I need to finish my bowl game picks. Whoever wins that one gets a famous football cane carved by my dad. (Let me take advantage of this opportunity to say the BCS system is lousy. Teams with four and five losses get into big games while teams like Texas Tech and Alabama totally get shafted.)

First Time Meeting Santa

There is something about this picture that just draws me. I don't know if it's the colors or the expressions on the faces, but I LOVE this picture. I wish I hadn't already sent out Christmas cards because I would have used this one.

You Be the Judge

The past couple of years, David and I have decorated a gingerbread house. We each do one side of the roof. Personally, I think my side is much better, but David prefers his. Regardless of which side is which, David eats most of the candy off it long before Christmas and it ends up looking pretty pitiful.


My side
















David's side

More Baylie Videos

Baylie is a chuckler, but she doesn't laugh really hard very often. We had fun hearing her belly laugh.

She doesn't say any real words yet, but we still like to hear her talk.

Christmas Song

A few years ago, I wrote a Christmas poem that I really liked. David put it to music and added a chorus. Now I like it even more. The lyrics are below. You can go to here to listen to David sing the song.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the inn,

Not a creature was stirring

Though filled to the brim.

While out in the stable 

A candle burned bright

As a husband kept vigil

All through the night.

On that night,

That still, still night

The Savior came

Into the world.

The cattle were lowing

A hush in the air

For the animals knew

Christ soon would be there.

While shepherds kept watch

In their own humble way.

Wise men saw the star

That signaled the day.

On that night,

That still, still night

The Savior came

Into the world.

The Christ child was born 

On a bed of new hay

To a world unaware

Of where the king lay.

Later the shepherds

And wisemen would come,

But for now it was Mary

Just holding her son.

On that night,

That still, still night,

The Savior came

Into the world.

On that night, 

that still, still night

Our Christmases began.

Tradition

I'm all about tradition and history and keepsakes, etc. Thankfully, so is my mom. She saved my first Christmas dress, so now I'm using it as Baylie's first Christmas dress. I just think that is so cool! Here we are in the dress.

Of Mothers and Kristin

We have Baylie in our bed almost every morning. She is nestled between us, which gives her opportunity to be our new alarm clock. In the middle of the night she will make fussing noises. Kristin hears them first. She gets up and brings her in, sets her beside me and tosses a new diaper in one of two places: on Baylie's belly or on my face. I'll sit up and change her diaper while she fills a new bottle with Baylie's formula. Baylie drinks that for a while before she dozes off until about 6:15 a.m. when our new alarm clock sounds off happily.

This morning I heard Baylie first. So I brought her to the bed. It must have been earlier than usual because when I gave her the pacifier she was out in an instant. I had already gotten the diaper and set it between Kristin and Baylie. I wish I had remembered to toss it on Kristin's face. All the better, Kristin apparently didn't hear all that happen. When the alarm clock chimed at 6:15 she was surprised that Baylie was in our bed already. I know Kristin and I know that my surprise gave her an inner smile. Those are my favorite kind to cause.

I am married to the sweetest woman. She loves me no matter what. She cares for Baylie full-time, and yet I can say I have her whole heart. Life lived with such a companion could not get any better.