Yummy Cereal

Okay, this is probably a blog only a mother would love since it's long and probably boring to everyone but me and David. Also, I apologize in advance for my obnoxious laugh. We're quite proud of Baylie's eating ability though.

The Joy of Adoption

Last night my mom and I went to a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was my first one, so I didn't really know what to expect. There were several families there and children of all sizes and colors.

I didn't know anyone but the ladies from the agency and I'm not usually outgoing in a group, so mostly I just sat with my mom and observed others.

As I looked around, I couldn't help but marvel at the happiness that surrounded me. I figured that most of these parents had been through what we had been through. The pain and heartache of infertility followed by the hope, frustration and financial stress of adoption. It's a long road and only someone who has walked it knows what it's really like. I got emotional thinking of how we all now share a joy only found through finally receiving a long-awaited child. My mom pointed out how the fathers in particular carried their new infants with such pride and posessiveness. It was a beautiful site to see. I particularly liked seeing other families like ours - white parents with beautiful black children (although I have to say that Baylie was the cutest baby there - I'm sure I'm totally objective about that.).

What a great job the ladies of Heart and Soul Adoptions have - to bring so much joy to so many people. And it's not an easy job. I don't know what everyone else is like to work with, but I know I wasn't easy. By the time I got to them, we had been trying to adopt for three years. I was emotionally exausted. I'm sure there were times I sounded sharp and impatient. I was stressed over how much it was costing to adopt and I couldn't always understand why everything happened how and when it did. But they were always kind, patient and positive. And they gave us the perfect baby. How can you ever repay someone for giving you the best blessing?

I don't know why our road to parenthood was as long or as contorted as it was, but I do know that I was meant to be Baylie's mom and she was meant to be my daughter. If anything had happened differently, we might have missed each other. Any pain I have been through is worth the joy I feel as I tuck her in at night and greet her smiling face every morning.

Freaking Out

Okay, I'm freaking out. Today we met with our attorney to get prepared for court. We learned that our birth father notification wasn't done in the right state, so we still have to get that out of the way before we can finalize. I had thought it was taken care of four months ago, so now I'm stressing out. Partly because I'm hoping it can get done before we go to court, but mostly because secretly I still have a terrifying fear that a birth father will crop up from somewhere and take Baylie from us. The attorney assured us that it is not very likely and in my mind I know that's true, but in my heart, I still worry about it. If we were to lose Baylie at this point, I don't think I could bear it.

Check out those blue eyes!

No Such Thing as Too Many Hugs

I take a lot of good-natured ribbing about the fact that I hold Baylie so much. People say that I'm spoiling her and that she's not happy unless she's being held. It's not true, and even if it is, I don't care. I love to hold her and I'll hold her as much as I possibly can.

Today I read a very emotional blog at http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/. My sister had told me about this blog that is being written by a mother who recently lost her 14-month old daughter to drowning. I had put off reading it because I knew it would be emotional. It was, and I've spent the past hour crying. But it's not so much a sad blog as it is an emotional blog of a mother working through her feelings and professing her faith in God. It's actually a very faith-promoting blog. After reading it, I am again convinced that I should hold Baylie as much as possible. I recommend this blog to anyone dealing with grief.

Reading her blog also makes me want to share the experience of my miscarriage, but I'll do that another day. For now, I'm going to go snuggle with my daughter and be grateful I have her.

Airport Encounter

One of the greatest blessings during my infertility to adoption journey has been meeting other women who are traveling along this same path. Talking to them has brought me great comfort at times when even my husband couldn't understand what I was feeling.

Today at the airport we ran into a couple whom we have known for a few years now. After eight years of waiting, they adopted a little girl a few years ago. (It's funny that we both lived in Houston and yet we see each other most often in the Salt Lake Airport.) I remember when they first got their little girl how I noticed that Sylvia's face completely changed. It became softer and there was a peace about her that wasn't there before.

Today when we saw them, they had added a new baby boy to their family. I didn't even recognize Sylvia at first. She was so beautiful. Not that she wasn't always an attractive woman - she was, but now she just glows with an inner beauty and peace that radiates from her. I can't help but wonder if I've changed at all since becoming Baylie's mom. One thing I do know is that the little hard knot of pain that I used to have in the pit of my chest is no longer there. I can't really even remember what it felt like. Adoption is truly a miracle of love and healing. I'm so grateful to see other families that have also been blessed by this great gift.

P.S. We were dropping David off to go to California for two weeks. I'll miss him so much. I couldn't help but think of men and women that send their spouses overseas to dangerous circumstances to serve in the military. I am awed by them and their sacrifice.

Sania's Coming!

I'm so excited to learn that a sweet friend from Houston is moving to Salt Lake. Sania is one of the kindest people I have ever met. I hope the good people of Utah will make her and her husband feel welcome. I want to share a poem I wrote about Sania a little over a year ago.

Sania’s Scarf

My friend, Sania, used to wear a scarf.

It was a sign of modesty, humility
and obedience to God.

But after September 11, 2001,
the world changed.
and her scarf came off.

I wonder - would I have known her
had she kept the scarf?
Or would it have served
as a silk-iron shield between us?

Before Sania,
I thought women in scarves
were opressed, subdued.
Now I know the scarf is worn
with honor and by choice.

My friend, Sania,
used to wear a scarf.
I’m glad she took it off.
She removed the veil
from my eyes
and now I see more clearly.

Bayles Family Campout