The Best and Worst of America (a.k.a. the first time someone said F-You to me)

Warning: Long Post

I was raised by very patriotic parents. I'm trying to pass on that love of country to my children. That's why when I noticed a billboard advertising a free patriotic program - Spirit of America - I thought it would be great for the kids and I to go see it. I really had no idea what it was. One of my girlfriends who is homeschooling her children decided to join us and go for their weekly field trip. 

Turns out that the show is really fantastic and is put on by the U.S. Military, specifically The Old Guard, the Fife and Drum Corps, the Caisson Platoon, the Commander-in-Chief's Guard and the U.S. Army Drill Team.  

We were really fortunate to be able to see the performance since they only perform in a couple of venues each year.

They use music and dramatic readings to tell the history of the U.S. Armed Forces. The show includes a horse on stage, guns being fired, a tank breaking through a wall and in some cities they even repel from the rafters (our arena wasn't safe for that). It was a fantastic show and a great reminder of how remarkable the young men and women are that selflessly serve our country in the military.

Unfortunately, Jalen was completely freaked out by the noise and he and I spent 99% of the show in the concourse. I was really frustrated since I wanted to see the show. Because he spent so much time screaming and whining, I was tense and stressed and on my last nerve.

And this is where I make a confession. In many ways, I am a patient person. In other ways, I'm sadly lacking in it. One of my major weaknesses is that when I get frustrated, I say things under my breath - not really quietly - to send a not-so-subtle message to the person that is annoying me. You know how you hear people say they wish they could think of the comeback line at the moment necessary? Well, that's not a blessing, it's a curse. I've embarrassed my husband, parents, and other family members with this technique. Lately I've heard a couple of talks that have inspired me to want to change this. To just choose to stay quiet and not take offense. Well, easier said than done.

Anyway, I came in to visit my friend and check on Baylie during the intermission. While there, Jalen bumped into a woman that was sitting in the row in front of them. She did one of those turn, sigh and shake your heads. Not that big of a deal; however, I was on my above-mentioned last nerve and I lost it. I picked up Jalen and said in my not-really-under-my-breath-voice, "Apparently these people never had children. I have had it! With these people, with this show..." etc., etc. Totally unnecessary. I should have just apologized and been done with it. Instead, I walked out and then felt stupid the rest of the day. I probably ruined the show for the lady and her husband. In some way, I think it was setting me up for what was to come later.

Jalen and I spent the rest of the show in the concourse. The concessions people thought he was cute and gave him a corn dog. I calmed down, was ashamed of myself and vowed to try and do better next time.

And now, for what came later.

After the show, we decided to meet my friend's husband at Sam's Club for lunch.  We were just finishing when a man, probably in his late 50's or early 60's bumped into Jalen. Things to note:

• It was not a major collision.
• The man was carrying two wrapped hot dogs, so neither man nor meal was in danger.
• None of the kids were running around wild. They had been walking between and around the two tables where our group was sitting.
• Jalen was within 18" of our table.

The man made a loud sound of exasperation, then he looked at me and said something to the effect of "Would you please control your children?" I was already pretty emotionally drained and had made the determination to do better, so I just looked at him. He stared back and didn't move. I'm not sure what he wanted me to do at that point. Had I not had my earlier experience, more than likely I would have jumped down his throat. Instead I said, "Thanks. I get it. Just move on." I didn't say it rudely. I was pretty much just exhausted at that point. (Keep in mind I had been up until after midnight watching BYU lose 6-7 to Boise State and had woken up at 5:00 a.m. to teach seminary.)

It was then that the gentleman looked at me and very loudly said, "F#&*@ You!" I replied, "Well thank you for saying that in front of my kids." At which point he went and sat across from his lovely wife. I was speechless - something that does not happen often. I wanted to say, "How do you expect me to control my 2-year-old when you can't even control your 60+-year-old mouth?" But I didn't. My girlfriend and I just started loading our kids into carts and heading out. People in the tables around us were making comments about how they couldn't believe what he had just said to me.

My friend's husband jumped to my defense. I don't know what he said, but he went to the man's table and reprimanded him. All I heard was that as he was walking back to us he told the man, "Shame on you!" I was so grateful to him. I was so glad to be with a man who was willing to stand up for a woman. (I am also married to that kind of man. In fact, I'm glad David wasn't there because I'm pretty sure he would have hit the man.) I'm also pretty sure that if the man had realized my friend's husband was with us, he wouldn't have spoken to me the way he did. He just thought we were two women with our kids. And I have to confess, I couldn't help but wonder if he singled out my child for racist reasons. Probably not, but it crossed my mind.  (Update: Later information from my friend's husband leads me to believe that there was racism involved.)

In the end, although I was hurt and upset, I think I was far less upset than I would have been had I tried to retaliate. As it was, my kids were oblivious to what had happened, which wouldn't have been the case had I reacted differently.

And I ask you, what kind of a man can't love this little face?