Ponderings

I should be asleep. It's almost 2:00 a.m. But I am having trouble sleeping. My mind is racing from one topic to another. It started when I read THIS.

From time to time I get a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's like a hollow ache and I can also feel it in my heart and my throat. Often after I get this feeling, I'll learn that something has happened to someone I care about, or something disagreeable will happen, like I'll argue with someone important to me. Occasionally nothing happens at all. I don't think I'm alone in this. I think it happens to many people, particularly women. This morning I had a very strong feeling like this, but I had no idea why. This evening I was reflecting that nothing had happened to warrant the feeling. That was before I read the article linked above.

This morning, our family went to help clean the church building. On our way, we stopped at a Walgreens that is about a block from the church. It was about 10 minutes before 9:00 and I went in to buy some toilet paper. I got what I was looking for, checked out and we pulled into the church parking lot at exactly 9:00 a.m. According to this article, that Walgreens was robbed shortly after 9:00 a.m. The store was very empty that early in the morning. It's very possible that I saw this man. I think I passed a man in one of the aisles near the entrance of the store, but I don't know if it was him or not. I didn't pay any attention to what the man I passed looked like. I'm just so grateful that no one, including me, was hurt. And I'm grateful that nothing happened to David and the kids waiting in the car.

Another incident I've been thinking about a lot is regarding the mother that was recently found dead in Turkey. (You can read about her HERE.) People may read about her and think that she was crazy for traveling alone, but the fact is, I have traveled alone A LOT, especially on business. There have been many circumstances when I could very well have found myself in trouble. Probably the worst of these was arriving in Bogota, Colombia after 11 p.m. at night without anyone to pick me up at the airport. There had been a miscommunication and my coworker didn't think I was arriving until the following day. I don't usually get rattled, but I was a little nervous that night. I ended up asking a policeman to help me hail a cab only to have coworkers tell me the next day that it was a very dangerous thing to do. (While I wasn't comfortable at the airport, I did not feel unsafe in Bogota.) I used to travel by myself to Monterrey, Mexico, on almost a monthly basis. I've traveled to Argentina, Peru, Chile, Belgium, London, Israel and more - by myself. Granted, I was usually meeting up with someone, but not always. I've never thought much about it.

My mother went to the center market of San Salvador where men carry machetes at their waists. The local Salvadorians told us that even they don't venture to the market. I've hailed a cab at the airport in Mexico City and asked the driver to just take me to a hotel near the cathedral. (I wouldn't do this today). David, my parents and I were cased out and followed by a man in Mexico City. I finally turned and confronted the man and he told me he was there to "protect" us. When I approached a police officer for help, the man disappeared. David was mugged in Argentina, but wasn't hurt. My sister and I  had our car break down late at night in Los Angeles and had to push it off an exit ramp and into a parking lot. We were later told that girls had disappeared on that stretch of highway.

My dad tells me that I focus too much on the worst case scenario, but sometimes I feel like the worst case scenario is all around us. I can't help but worry. My sister - who has just had two cases of the worst case scenario happen to people close to her - tells me we can't live in fear. I know my dad and my sister are right. I know that my life is evidence of the fact that good usually triumphs over evil. Despite that, sometimes I just want to lock the doors, hold my kids on my lap and cuddle with them on the couch. On the flip side, I appreciate the hand of God in my life. I know he has watched out for me and my family. I would be ungrateful if I didn't recognize and acknowledge that fact.

It's now after 3:00 a.m. I am an idiot. I will have a migraine tomorrow because of this and I'm all out of Exedrin.