When You Want to Throttle a Kindergartener

Yesterday, Baylie told her daddy that she thought she was the "F-a-t word." Because of my weight issues (both physical and emotional), we have made a determined effort not to talk to Baylie about weight. We do talk about healthy eating and exercise.

We've been a little concerned about Baylie because she is a bit heavy, but we don't want her to be worried about it. We spoke with the pediatrician at the kids' well-child visit and she said Baylie is perfectly healthy and to not focus too much on it. The doctor encouraged us to continue emphasizing healthy eating habits and exercise.

Tonight at bedtime, I asked Baylie about what she told her daddy and why she said it. She finally admitted that one of her classmates - a boy - told her she was fat. And then she started to cry. And then my heart broke.

I asked her why if people tell her almost every day how beautiful she is, she would instead believe the words of her classmate. She kept saying over and over that she just feels big. She cried quite a bit. I just held her and let her cry.

She said she thinks she's big and that she'll never be skinny. We spent a lot of time talking about how people are all different: tall and short, skinny and bigger, dark hair and light hair, etc. We talked about the fact that one body type is not better than another. She told me that when you're skinny, you can see your abs, like her cousin Lauryn. I told her that sometimes skinny people want to be bigger; people with curly hair want straight hair; people with straight hair want curly hair; tall people want to be short and short people want to be tall. We talked about some of her classmates and how while some were skinnier than her, some were her same size. I asked her if she thought there was anything wrong with the classmates that were her size and she said no. I pointed out that the girls in her gymnastics class are all different sizes too.

I asked her if she was embarrassed because I'm not skinny. She said no, so we spent some time talking about how I'm bigger than one of her friend's moms, but that I'm still a good mom, I still have a good family, her daddy still loves me. She asked me if I was ever skinny and I told her no. For some reason, that seemed to comfort her.

I told her that the only thing she needed to focus on was eating healthy, and not more than her body needs, and exercising. I also told her that it would be okay to tell her classmate that what he said hurt her feelings.

I felt so helpless. I had no magic words. She is such a beautiful child and people are always telling her that, and yet it just takes a careless word from a classmate to crush her self esteem. Most of all, I worry because I know all too well what it is like to grow up with self-esteem issues related to weight.

Jalen didn't hear the entire conversation, but he knew Baylie was upset. When we had finished talking, he rubbed her back and told her she was pretty and beautiful. It was the sweetest moment.

My mom once told me that dealing with your own trials wasn't hard. It was watching your children deal with trials and knowing you were helpless to fix them that was difficult. I'm starting to understand.